The Invasion

September Writing Challenge - Prompt #20:

Problem

I’ve got 99 problems… in the form of locusts.

Utah has been overtaken by grasshoppers this year, and from the thorough research I conducted in preparation for this post, it sounds like we aren’t the only victims of this invasion! The hoppy, bug-eyed creatures have made their presence known across the nation! Startling us in our gardens as they spring at our faces out of nowhere! Destroying our crops with their ferocious appetites!

Three shades of grasshopper

Every time I go out in the garden, grasshoppers come flying out of my plants. There is constant motion in my peripheral vision. 

My niece who works at Ace Hardware said that most customers who come in lately leave with a can of wasp spray or grasshopper bait.

The other day we found a grasshopper in our garage. 

Then yesterday, Zoe brought her rollerblades in the house, and a grasshopper came with her. She threw the rollerblades on the kitchen floor and started yelling something incomprehensible - indicating that either she had severed a limb or one of her internal organs had imploded. 

But nah. It was just the grasshopper. Nicky immediately caught it and took it outside. 

Since we are so close to the end of the season, I’m not putting a lot of effort into fighting the grasshoppers. I may have 99 problems, but I don’t have very much motivation to do anything about them. So far our garden has survived, but some of our friends and family haven’t been as lucky. Grasshoppers can wreak havoc very quickly, so things could change any moment. I’ve wanted to sic the chickens on them, but our chickens are just as destructive in the garden, if not more so, so I don’t know if it would be worth it. Plus, the chickens would have to be pretty sharp and quick to get the grasshoppers, and well… let’s be honest… they’re idiots. So for the time being, the grasshoppers reign supreme.