Things the Kids Say: Episode 26

 "I would rather be a bird than a cat because I don't want any baby cats sucking on my nipples."

-Eva

Baby lesser goldfinch in our yard last week

(does not breast feed)

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"I need to get buff so I can lift (my cousin) Delilah (age 2). She weighs, like, eight pounds!"

-Eva

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Zoe: How tall is the average fifth grader?

Me: I don't know, but Doctor (pediatrician) can tell us!

Zoe: Oh! Is she still alive?

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"I didn't know that old people could be smart. I thought all they cared about was having fun with their grandkids and telling everyone that Jesus is real!"

-Zoe

Grandparents having fun with their grandkids

(even though Delilah is so heavy)

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"Can we go shopping at a store that has new stuff instead of the store that has stuff people have already owned?"

-Zoe

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"Mom, did you know that you could get plastic surgery to make all your lumps go away?"

-Zoe

——-

"I never knew how attractive Diary of a Wimpy Kid was."

-Zoe

——-

"I'm going to invent a french fry flavored snow cone."

-Zoe

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“No one likes it when grown people does flirtin’!”

-Zoe

Doing flirtin'

—-

Eva: I made a new best friend today!

Me: That’s great! What’s your new best friend’s name?

Eva: I don’t know, but she said I can call her Dunkin Donuts.

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Daisy: Mom, can we sue the school?

(She asks me this everyday based on whatever complaints she has at the time)

Me: [explains the complexities of “suing”]

Daisy: Oh, I just thought suing meant writing them an angry email.