Oh So Humble Me

I’m forgiving.

Even when I have a bad fast food experience, I always give them another chance. Two times, three times… I’ve gone through the Chick-Fil-A drive thru seventy times seven times. 

I’m generous.

I recently donated $18.25 in fines to the library. When it comes to the fight against illiteracy, I do my part by keeping books for an especially long time.

I’m health conscious. 

I enjoy eating lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and pickles between two pieces of bread on a bed of ground beef and cheese. That’s basically all the food groups!

I’m math-minded. 

I can work formulas like 1/2 cup sugar plus 1/2 cup sugar equals 1 cup sugar, thereby producing twice as many chocolate chip cookies as originally intended.

I’m productive.

I can drive a car, yell at my kids, drink a soda, and listen to an audiobook all at the same time.

I’m honest.

My mom likes to tell Eva that she’s 30 years old, and I advocate for truth by telling Eva that her grandma is actually 60 years old.

I’m fortunate.

I currently have $30 in Cafe Rio rewards with which I can feed myself.

I’m giving.

Sometimes I use my Cafe Rio points to feed my kids.

I’m knowledgeable.

If anyone ever needs to know Donny Osmond’s favorite Christmas song ("It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”) or Matt Damon’s birthday (October 8), I gotchu. 

I’m prepared.

I keep a grand selection of useful things on my kitchen counter so I always know right where to find them. Sewing machines, Rubbermaid containers, bottles of lotion, and random food items are at the ready!

I’m calm.

Sometimes when my daughters are fighting, I dissociate, lay on the couch, and let them work out their differences around me. 

I’m fit. 

I carry all our laundry up and down three flights of stairs, and since I have a large capacity, top-loading washer, I do heel raises to reach the clothes in the very bottom.

I’m youthful.

I have acne, and I dress like it’s 2009. I’m eternally 25.

I’m observant.

I can tell you what my neighbors bring home for dinner every night. 

I’m talented.

I’ve acquired many useful skills in life such as being able to pin boutonnières, do boondoggle, and smell burps from several yards away.