The Catalog of Hot Dates

This year Scotty and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Assuming we can hang in there until May 9th. Our lives have changed a lot in 20 years. For example, when we got married (at ages 19 and 21) we both still watched Saturday morning cartoons. Now we just exist simultaneously in rooms with cartoons while our children watch them. 

Such growth.

One significant way we have changed is in how we date. I no longer have any need to do things like go bowling or do a scavenger hunt. Thus, I have compiled a list of date ideas for old, boring people. I would prefer these options over anything I did to date in high school:

Go to a movie at 3:00 p.m. Sneak in some pizza. Wear stretchy pants and slippers.

Get a babysitter. Go buy a new dishwasher. Bring it home to an empty house. Install it. Play Wingspan on your phones while the dishes wash. Then marvel at your shiny Pyrex together.

Go to all the local fast food establishments and cash in your points for a free food smorgasbord. 

Sit in your garage recliner, watch your neighbors come home, and see if you can guess what they picked up for dinner (alternatively, you can listen to the other neighbor mowing his lawn with his airpods in and try to guess what song he's singing).

Put on some fresh sheets then lay in bed and watch Lost while sipping ice water from your insulated cups.

Take two vehicles to Smith’s early on a Saturday morning. Shop for discounted meat, bakery, and dairy products. Then take both your vehicles to the gas station to use your fuel points for 60 cents off per gallon. 

Clean out the garage.

Sit in your plastic adirondack chairs in the backyard and watch your chickens fight over worms. 

Leave your kids home, go get ice cream, and eat it in the Ross parking lot while playing Wingspan on your phones (pretty much any time you're playing Wingspan together on your phones, you are on a date).

Accidentally plan a vacation while eating Thai food.

Fold laundry and watch Hamilton.

Sit at the kitchen table together while he answers work emails and you look for new recipes to try.

This is what it's all about, folks. The romance is not dead after twenty years. It's just packaged differently.