How I Process the Performing Arts

This summer I've had the chance to see quite a few movies and stage productions, and I've realized some funny habits I have. 

During a show (be it a movie, a play, a concert, or even reality TV), I rarely just sit back, watch it, and take it in. Instead, in my mind, I put myself in the performance. If I am watching So You Think You Can Dance, I am doing the dance moves in my head. If I'm watching In the Heights on stage (which I did twice this summer), I am singing or acting out the parts. 

Some things I think about while I'm "performing" in my head:

Sweat: I worry about how much the people in the show are sweating/not sweating. If they are sweating a lot, I'm concerned about their costuming, their make-up, and their contact with other people. I think about what it would be like to perform a dance number with a sweaty partner, what they all smell like, and what I would smell like. I think about how this affects one's confidence and ability to interact intimately with another person. I think about how they have to touch each other and just be okay with it.

But then, if they're not sweating excessively, I wonder why. How are they staying dry? What is their secret? Why isn't their face melting off and why aren't their pits drenched?

Breath: I worry about what everyone's breath smells like. When actors have to get right in each other's faces, do they smell each other's breath and just deal with it? Do they swish with mouthwash between scenes? What if you have a kissing scene, and the person you have to kiss is just nasty, but you have to act like you like it? 

I especially think about breath when I see a morning scene where characters wake up in bed next to each other and go for the open mouth smoocher. There is nothing romantic about that to me because all I can focus on is their morning breath which they're pretending not to have.

Costuming: I look at costumes, imagine myself wearing them, and anticipate every wardrobe malfunction I can think of. She's going to break a heel. That shirt is going to show some serious back sweat. I'm not sure her boobs are going to stay in. She can't sit down in that. He's gonna pop a button. For the love of Pete! Do not lift your arms above your head!

And then there's the all-too-popular sex scene. 

When I see a sex scene, all I think about is what it would be like to act it out. I don't know how people do it. They're basically pretending intimacy with a co-worker! And of course, I'm thinking about sweat... and breath... and costuming... and then I also think about their real-life spouses and their professional relationship, and I never quite buy into the scene because I'm overly focused on the fact that it's make-believe, and two people had to act it out in front of a camera with a bunch of onlookers, some of which would be saying things like, "A little more to the left! Let's move the sheet. Get the camera right up in there! Try to flex your muscles a bit more!"

While I was watching a play a couple of weeks ago (performing the song and dance numbers in my mind and trying to imagine myself not sweating), I realized this might not be what everyone else does during a performance. Last night I went to see Elvis (all by myself!), and I tried to watch it without doing Elvis dance moves in my head or worrying about his sweat, and I couldn't do it. I had to gyrate in my mind and wonder what Elvis smelled like. 

I can't help it. This is my process.