Creepy Confessions

In general, I'm pretty good with remembering names and faces and information about people. Every now and then there's a name that doesn't stick, and I have to keep asking, but for the most part, I don't have a hard time with names. This is a blessing and a curse - a blessing because I always know who everyone else is. A curse because I always know who everyone else is. 

(Aside: the other day I had a situation where I didn't recognize someone, and afterward, when I realized who the person was, I felt horrible. It was very out of character for me. Then I realized she didn't know me at all, so why should I feel bad?)

Anyway, sometimes this trait makes me a little creepy. Several years ago, I kept seeing this mom from my kids' school at various places throughout the community. I knew who she was, of course, but she never showed an ounce of familiarity toward me. Finally, one day, in the make-up aisle of Target, I stopped and introduced myself and told her that I recognized her from the school and that I tend to see her a lot. I asked her her name (even though I already knew her name, her kids' names, and what she did for a living because that's how creepy I am). Then, to continue my creepy ways, I sent her a friend request on Facebook. We have not developed a magical friendship, but now when we see each other out in the world, we at least say hello. 

A short time later, I did the same thing to another mom from school that I kept seeing everywhere I went. I cornered her in the Chick-Fil-A play area and told her that I recognized her from the school and that I see her often in the community. I didn't send this mom a Facebook friend request, though, and it worked out well that I didn't because I never saw her again. Maybe I scared the living daylights out of her and she joined the witness protection program. 

A few years ago, I started seeing this other girl around town (now that I'm almost 40, is "girl" even the right word? Because I feel like "lady" and "woman" are too old, but "girl" is too young - what should I call my fellow women? "Female peers?") Anyway, I started seeing this female peer from time to time, and of course it turned out that her kids went to my kids' school (I'm not intentionally stalking the mothers of my children's classmates, it just works out that way). I felt like we were supposed to be friends. I even told my friend Shannon that I kept seeing a female peer around town that I knew I was supposed to be friends with, but I wasn't going to force it. I just felt like someday things would fall into place, and this girl/woman/female peer and I would be friends. 

Across the span of about two years, I observed my Potential Friend and accidentally learned a lot about her - meanwhile, she was completely oblivious to my existence. 

Again, I am creepy. It just comes naturally. 

Finally, I ended up at a large community event with my Potential Friend, and I knew that that was to be my day of attack. Somehow I weaseled my way into small talk with her, and I did the whole, "I think our kids go to the same school," thing (I decided not to mention the fact that I'd been scoping her out for two years and knew we were meant to be friends because... hello... creepy). 

It worked. We're friends now!

Do we hang out? Nope. Do we exchange birthday cards? Nope. But somehow, I still feel like we've got each other's backs. Even though we've never shared a meal or hung out in sweatpants together, I feel like my special circle of people has expanded through my ultimate creepiness. 

Now there's this other mom from the school I'm starting to see everywhere, poor soul, and I'm wondering if it's my God-given mission to chase these women down in public and make them be my friends. 

So watch out, female peer! I'm coming for you next!

An Incomplete List of Awkward Situations (Part IV)

When you have to run into a public place to deal with a bathroom emergency, and you don't put any thought into what you did with your car keys, and when you stand up from the toilet, they fall down inside your pant leg, and you have to do a strange jig to wiggle them down to the bottom where you can reach up your pant leg to grab them, but you are wearing skinny jeans that are a bit too tight, and you can't get your hand and your keys to meet, so after all that work, you have to pull your pants all the way down to your ankles to retrieve the keys.

When you're delivering Christmas gifts to your neighbors, and you see all the gifts on their porches from neighbors who didn't bring you anything. 

When your kid takes a bunch of sticks out of the neighbor's yard and brings them home, and you really just want the kid to go put the sticks back, but it's probably poor etiquette to throw sticks on your neighbor's lawn, even when that's where they came from, so you just have to accept that his tree branches are now your problem.

When you buy something from the thrift store that you're super excited about, and you post a photo online, and someone tells you they just donated that very item last week. 

When you're pretty sure you hear a burglar downstairs in your kitchen, but you're super tired and don't want to get out of bed to fight him off, so you just figure he can take whatever he wants as long as you don't have to get up. 

When you're washing your car, but the car wash attendant doesn't properly guide you, so your tire hits the edge of the conveyor and jerks your car all over the place, and the attendant looks at you like you're an idiot, but they are the ones who are supposed to let you know if you need to turn your wheel. 

When companies have costumed individuals standing out on the street trying to entice you to utilize their services, but ain't no man dressed like Lady Liberty ever convinced you to get your taxes done. 

Additionally, when that waving individual on the street seems miffed that you're not waving back, and you're like, "Lady Liberty Dude, I am just not in the mood right now, okay?"

When you're rounding up kids in a public place, and you're trying to gather the wrong kids, and their mom looks at you like you’re some kind of kidnapper, and you’re like, “Oh please! Like you’ve never tried to take someone else’s kids from the park before!”

Likewise, when you scold a kid at the store and then realize it's not yours. 

When you're buying a large item at Costco and you can't see very well over the cart, and you crash into a lady talking on her cell phone. 

When someone let's their dog jump all over you, and they say, "Let me know if he's bothering you," and you smile while thinking, "Why would you assume that this is not bothering me?"

When you're at the OB/GYN, and they call out "Brittany," but two of you stand up, and suddenly you're in a Brittany Show-Down!

When you look more pregnant that the other Brittany, only you're not pregnant at all.

When a man at church has a super cute baby boy, and you are ooing and ahhing over the little guy and suddenly say, "Can I have your baby?" and all you meant, jokingly, was "This baby is so cute and squishy, I could just take him home and keep him," but instead, you've essentially asked the dad to procreate with you. 

When there are new employees being trained at Cafe Rio, and you know what goes on the tostada, and they don't, so you coach them through it like you own the place, and you kind of feel like a jerk, but you can't just stand there and let them make their tostadas wrong!

When someone is walking down the middle of the parking lot row, and you're stuck driving behind them thinking, “It’s okay, man, I love taking 20 extra minutes to get the hell outta Walmart.”

When you're in the dressing room at TJ Maxx and the lady in the room next to you is talking on her phone to her therapist, and the details are so juicy that you kind of feel dirty, but at the same time, it's not your fault she's having this conversation in a public setting! And you really wanna see what this woman looks like, but you don't want to have an awkward run-in coming out of the dressing room, so you scope out her shoes under the stall and hope to find her wandering the store later (alas, in this case, you never find her).

When you're approaching your van, and you use the key fob to open the sliding doors, and a bunch of garbage blows out. 

When you go to Costco and choose not to get a cart because you're just there so your daughter can buy a Squishmallow, but then you see that the 25 lb bags of flour are finally back in stock, so you grab one and carry it around the store like Luisa, but then you buy a drink for yourself and your daughter on the way out, and your daughter announces that she can't possibly carry a Squishmallow and a drink, so you're stuck acting like it's perfectly normal to carry a 25 lb bag of flour and two sodas across Costco whilst also keeping your receipt available for the door check.

When you make a formal announcement on the internet that you're going to quit drinking soda on Monday, and then you don't. 

When you go to the donut shop and they tape your donut box closed as if you're not going to tear into it the second you get in the car.

When you smell something weird everywhere you go, but it takes you all day to realize that it might be you.

AND...

This is for Cousin Cyndi...

When you're wiping your daughter in a public restroom, and a hard turd ball goes flying off her bottom and rolls into the occupied stall next to you, to which you respond, "Oh crap!" while reaching under the stall with toilet paper to retrieve it.

Thirteen Hours Til School (and thirteen other random facts)

Fact #1: Last week, my friend Carlie told me about an app called Merlin Bird ID where you can take a photo of a bird and ID it. You can compile a list of birds you see. I downloaded the app and chased down a few birds over the weekend. 

Fact #2: On Saturday morning, I was ditching my family to go to Chick-Fil-A to get a chicken biscuit and a Coke when I saw some ducks in my neighbor's yard. I pulled over, got out of my van, and tried to sneak up on the ducks to get a photo for my bird app. There were two males and two females, and as I approached them, the boys started trying to get on the girls. The girls were having none of it (and I didn't want to take photos of them mating anyway) so I broke up the festivities and was like, "Shoo, man ducks!" I'm all for baby ducks, but I swear duck sex is never consensual! 

Fact #3: I started drinking soda again while I was in the thick of my herpes outbreak. I have to post this and make a public commitment - I'm going back off soda as of Monday. But gosh, it was a beautiful two week affair! One of my favorite soda/food combinations is the Chick-Fil-A breakfast biscuit and a Coke. I have to have both together. Last week I had a chicken biscuit and Coke for breakfast five days in a row. Don't judge me. 

Fact #4: I was really glad to have the Saturday shift take over at Chick-Fil-A because the same guy handed me my breakfast four days in a row, and I was starting to feel like we were dating.

Fact #5: For the most part, my mouth is okay, but I still have three sores that are lingering. I don't have to use lidocaine anymore, but I have to be careful about where my food touches when I chew, and my mouth still bleeds very easily. 

Fact #6: Last night we slept with our window open because our house was really hot. At 5:30 this morning, I heard cats screeching and moaning. I got up to close the window and I saw two cats mating in front of our truck. I thought, well heck, I'm not going to close the window! I'm just gonna go scare them! So I went downstairs and opened the garage door thinking it would run them off (I wasn't properly dressed to go outside). But no. They just kept going at it with their horrific moaning sounds. 

I tried flipping the outdoor lights on and off. Apparently cats are not deterred by porch lighting.

Finally, I went and got the key fob for the truck and hit the lock button to make the horn honk. That was enough to make one cat lose interest. The other just sat there confused.

(I won't even comment on which one was the male and which one was the female).

So yeah... I spent my weekend breaking up animal sex, so if there's a shortage of ducklings and kittens this spring, we all know why!

Fact #7: Last week we bought a new couch for our living room! 

In the fall I made and sold pumpkin rolls for Thanksgiving, and I saved the money I made in hopes that Couch Season at Costco would bless us with a new sofa. 

It did! It did!

I saw the couch at Costco at 1:00 p.m. They had three in stock. I went back with Scotty at 5:00, and they only had one left, and as we were wheeling it away on carts, someone else showed up to buy one. 

I kind of feel guilty that I got the last couch, but I played a fair game. 

Fact #8: Bulk pick-up was two days later, so Scotty and Nicky put the old couch out on the curb, and off it went!

Due to this photo, I vacuumed my blinds the following day.

Fact #9: After the garbage truck left, Zoe asked me what was in the road. I looked outside and saw a lovely pile of crap that fell out of our couch, making me so glad that no one took our couch to their house!

Fact #10: Speaking of birds (all those facts ago), when we got our COVID shots, we got to spin a wheel to see if we could win a prize. Eva won a gift certificate to Tracy Aviary, so last weekend we went and redeemed it toward a family pass. While we were there, I was trying to take a photo of a kookaburra to send to Carlie, when I suddenly got photobombed by a masked lapwing!

Look at that bird's face! You can't tell me it didn't have that planned!

Fact #11: I feel like a hero when I return high-demand library books early. I, personally, have changed the fate of people waiting for books all over Salt Lake County.

Hero. 

Fact #12: Last Thursday, Scotty and I took Nicky and his friend to a play. Nicky's friend told us that we are the most awesome parents ever. I've pretty much let it go to my head and have been walking around for the past three days going, "Yes, we can have a family movie night! Because I'm an awesome mom!" "Yes, you can jump on the trampoline with a sprinkler! Because I'm an awesome mom!" "Yes, you can have dinosaur chicken nuggets for breakfast! Because I'm an awesome mom!"

Fact #13: This awesome mom let her kids eat popcorn in the family room on Friday night, and the bowl got knocked over twice - one time resulting in the neighbor kid's jandals getting full of kernels, and I couldn't even make her eat them because awesome moms don't make other people's kids eat popcorn out of their shoes. 

March Reads

March feels like it's been forever long. Chalk it up to spring fever and herpes. I still have three sores in my mouth that are giving me grief, but I can at least function now. We still have the better part of a week left in March, but I'm anxious to post my book list for the month, so here it goes:

Doll-baby by Laura Lane McNeal

(historical fiction, civil rights era, coming of  age)

Source: audiobook

Summary: After Ibby’s father dies, her mom leaves her and her father's urn full of ashes with a grandmother she didn’t know she had. 

Content: A few swear words, non-descriptive rape, racial slurs

Review: ****

Final statement: I wish I remembered where I got this book recommendation. It was a good story, with just one major eye-rolling element. The narrator for the audiobook was really good.

I Must Betray You by Rita Sepetys

(historical fiction, young adult, Romania)

Source: hardback from library 

Summary: During the Romanian Revolution of 1989, a teenage boy is blackmailed into becoming an informer for the secret police.

Content: A few mild swear words, protesting/revolutionary violence. In my opinion, this book is suitable for 12+

Review: *****

Final statement: This book dove into a part of history I really knew nothing about, so I am glad to have read it. 

A Place to Hang the Moon by Kate Albus

(middle grade, historical fiction, WWII)

Source: e-book

Summary: Three orphans are billeted during WWII in hopes of finding a forever family. 

Content: Grandma-friendly

Review: ****

Final statement: This was cute story.

A Deadly Fortune by Stacie Murphy

(mystery, paranormal, historical fiction)

Source: audiobook

Summary: A young woman with a psychic gift is placed in an asylum where she discovers that women are dying under false identities. 

Content: some PG-13 language and promiscuity

Review: ***

Final statement: This month I hosted book club, and this was the book I chose. This is the first time I've ever chosen a book I haven't read already. Someone in book club wanted a murder mystery, so I researched and found this one. It didn't lend itself to great conversation. I wish I could have a do-over. 

The War that Saved my Life by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley

(middle grade, Newbery Honor, historical fiction, WWII)

Source: e-book

Summary: Ada is a neglected child with a club foot who runs away with her brother Jamie and ends up in the care of a woman who never wanted children.

Content: Grandma-friendly

Review: ****

Final statement: This book was very similar to A Place to Hang the Moon, but I liked this one a little bit better.

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

(dystopian, artificial intelligence)

Source: audiobook

Summary: Klara is an "Artificial Friend" chosen from the shop to go home with a girl named Josie, and um... I guess Klara really likes the sun.

Content: A couple of swears

Review: **

Final statement: I spent the whole book anticipating the many different directions the story could go, and it kind of went nowhere at all. 

The Mother's Promise by Sally Hepworth

(contemporary, women's fiction)

Source: e-book

Summary: Alice is diagnosed with aggressive ovarian cancer, but she doesn't have much of a support system, so she and her 15-year-old daughter must find their way through the diagnosis with help from a social worker and a nurse. 

Review: ****

Content: language and sexual abuse (not explicit)

Final statement: I've liked everything I've read from Sally Hepworth so far. 

Roxy by Neal and Jarrod Shusterman

(young adult, mental health, science fiction)

Source: hardback book from library

Summary: In this story, various addictive substances are personified as characters who compete to lure their users.

Review: ****

Content: substance abuse and minor language

Final statement: This was creative and interesting. Definitely not for everyone, but I found it intriguing from my point of view. 

The House We Grew Up In by Lisa Jewell

(family drama, contemporary fiction)

Source: audiobook

Summary: An exploration of one fictional family's dysfunction (we hope we're not like them, and yet, they are all of us).

Review: 3.5 stars

Content: some sex and language, suicide

Final statement: This is a book that seemed "just okay" as I read listened to it, but after finishing it, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Even though I'm not giving it a super high star rating, I do enjoy a good family drama! Family dynamics always fascinate me (which is why I got my degree in marriage and family relations). 

Bring Me Back by B.A. Paris

(psychological thriller, mystery)

Source: audiobook

Summary: Twelve years ago, Layla went missing while on a trip with her boyfriend. Now people are claiming they've seen her.

Review: **

Content: non-descriptive sex, one 'F' word

Final statement: This book kept my interest because I wanted to know what happened, but in the end, all the characters were idiots, and the story wasn't the least bit convincing. I've read several books by B.A. Paris and have found most of them to be three-star worthy (they're okay but not excellent). The thing I like about her books, though, is that she includes the thriller/suspense element but still keeps her writing relatively "clean" compared to other books of this genre. She incorporates difficult themes like adultery, abuse, murder, etc, but the books don't have descriptive sex or heavy language. 

The War I Finally Won by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley

(historical fiction, middle grade, WWII, sequel)

Source: e-book

Summary: In this sequel to The War That Saved My Life (which I also read this month), Ada continues to overcome her past, develop new relationships, and navigate the realities of war. 

Review: ****

Content: grandma-friendly (a quick word, however - there is a character in these books who is gay. This fact is alluded to but not stated outright. As I evaluate content, I don't see the existence of a gay character as something to mention here unless there is descriptive sex - which I would alert my readers to whether the characters are straight or gay. I only mention it now because this is a middle grade book, and I figured I’d let you know that I don’t see a gay character as a reason to not consider a book a “clean” or “grandma friendly” read).

Summary: I enjoyed both of these books and thought they were rather thoughtful. 

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The book I'm most likely to recommend from this month is:

TVs: A History

We've had an interesting history of TVs in our house. Two years before we had Nicky, we bought a big screen. It was one of those huge, bulky ones. Flat screens were barely on the market, and they were thousands of dollars and not the norm quite yet. 

We were pretty excited about our big screen. We had it for about five years before something happened to the screen, and some of the colors stopped working. We watched our shows with a greenish tint for a couple of years. Then a neighbor kid took a bat to it.

That was Neighbor Kid Incident #1.

I was able to scrounge up this photo of our TV from an old blog post. The cracks are from the neighbor kid hitting it with a bat. Fortunately it was a flimsy screen, so even though I use the word, "shatter," it didn't break into tiny pieces. 

Interestingly, some neighbors down the street had the exact same TV we did, and they put it out on the curb for $50. No one bought it, but I kept eyeing it. Eventually, they put it out on the curb with no sign. One day, I stopped by to talk to them, figuring I could offer then 20 bucks for it, but they weren't home. I decided that since it was on the curb with no sign, and they weren't home, I'd take just it. So I wheeled it down the sidewalk and put it in my garage.

(I should add that we didn't know these neighbors very well. We lived by them for about ten years, and even though we were friendly, they didn't speak a lot of English, so we had some communication barriers. We did take them a Christmas veggie tray one year, and they reacted kind of strangely, and it dawned on me, as I walked home from their house, that they were probably Muslims. Oops! But, hey! Everyone needs to eat a vegetable sometime in December, right?) 

When Scotty got home, we swapped the TVs, but then we had a bit of a predicament. If we put our TV out on the curb for bulk pick-up, it would look like we took the neighbor's TV and shattered the screen. We live on a "busy-ish" street, so we did what any people of sound mind would do... we wheeled the broken TV across the busy street by dark of night and left it in front of someone else's house.

Okay, okay. That sounds bad. And in some ways, it was. But let me expound a bit. We have a quadruplex kitty-corner from our house, and they always have a big pile of stuff out front for bulk pick-up, so we simply added our broken TV to their pile. I'd like to think this accomplished multiple things:

1. It got rid of the TV

2. It made the TV untraceable to us

3. It made things easier for the garbage collector

In the end, we were actually quite thoughtful.

I don't remember how long we had the neighbor's TV in our house, but eventually, Nicky put a Wii controller through the screen, and we had ourselves another shattered big screen. It still worked for a while (it just had a big black spot), but eventually it started making a weird noise. Again, we didn't want the neighbor's to see their broken TV in front of our house (even though significant time had passed) so by dark of night, we wheeled it out to the busy street for bulk pick-up, only this time, someone took it before the garbage collectors came by!

We were kind of surprised that someone went through the effort to haul it off - but also... not that surprised. Believe it or not, we ended up accidentally finding it!  My mom had a hoarder neighbor who went around collecting old TVs, and then he would pile them in his driveway. We were driving to my mom's one day, and there was our TV!

Around the time we got rid of the second big screen, we made our family room into a bedroom and a storage room. Since we no longer had a family room, we just a bought a small TV to keep in the living room until we finished our basement. 

Then we had Neighbor Kid Incident #2. 

This time, a neighbor kid was playing at our house, and he took a magnetic dart board and leaned it against the new living room TV to throw darts at. One of the darts hit the TV and broke the screen. My kids were freaking out, but I told them we weren't going to worry about it, and we weren't going to tell his parents. But when his mom came to get him, the first thing out of Daisy's mouth was, "Derek broke our TV!" 

A few days later, Derek's dad showed up at our house with a new TV - a much nicer one than the one that had been damaged. I felt so bad! 

A few other TVs have come and gone from our home. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head... 

One TV milestone of note is when we got a flat screen for our bedroom. I'm very much pro-bedroom-TV. My bedroom, that is. I feel completely entitled to have a TV in my bedroom and have never gone without. My kids, on the other hand? Uh-uh. No. They don't get TVs in their bedrooms. But me? It is my privilege and my right to watch TV in bed.

Anyway, when we got a flat screen TV for our bedroom, we hung it on the wall, but we had a log canopy bed, and the canopy poles blocked my view of the TV. 

My bed circa 2012

The solution? CHAINSAW!!!

Scotty hacked those poles down and freed up my view.

The things we'll do for TV.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, we had Neighbor Kid Incident #3.

Even though my kids don't have TVs in their rooms, we have an extra TV that we occasionally let Zoe and Eva watch a movie on in their room. One weekend, they earned a movie in their room, and the TV was still in there when a neighbor kid came over to play. Eva and the boy were throwing toys, and the boy hit and shattered the TV.

A few days later, his dad texted me and said, "I understand Huckleberry broke your TV. How much do I owe you?" And of course, I told him not to worry about it. I feel like I can't ask my neighbors to replace the TVs their kids break while under my supervision. 

(Haven't heard from him since!)

I'd venture to say that we've lost more TVs to neighbor kids than the average family, but hey! We've gotta excel at something! Now pass me the remote!

 

 

Wednesdays are the Worst! (and ten other random facts)

Fact #1: My mouth is finally getting noticeably better. I'm so excited. So far today I have only used lidocaine one time. 

Fact #2: I feel like I could probably be a little adventurous with lunch and maybe chew some food, but my appetite is pretty messed up. Nothing really tastes or sounds good. Not even soda. 

Who is this Britt who can't enjoy a soda?

Fact #3: Right before I got sick, I painted this little table to go next to my thrift store chair:

It was $4 at the thrift store. A great, little find!

I haven't done a single productive thing since. 

Fact #4: While I've been sick, I've started watching Downton Abbey from the beginning. I watched it when it was on Masterpiece back in 2012, but I fizzled out somewhere in season 5. I never quite recovered from the season 3 finale... which I'm coming up on here quick. I'm not ready to go through it again.

Fact #5: The other day, I failed Wordle for the first time. It was devastating. It was the day the word was "smelt." I had the S, the E, and the T in place, and I knew there was an L. My final guess was "slept."

I thought I had it! 

Fact #6: I had a near miss on the day the word was "watch." I got "atch" pretty quick, but I ended up doing "catch," and "hatch." Then I had to decide between "match" and "watch" for the last guess. I went with "watch." 

Phew!

Fact #7: Despite my best efforts at growing a garden, I don't actually have much of a green thumb. I've always wanted to plant some tulips in my yard, though, so last fall, I finally did it! I checked on them yesterday, and something is coming out of the ground! And I would rejoice and think, "tulips!" except... the week after I planted tulips, my mother-in-law brought some bulbs to my house and let my girls plant them where I had planted the tulips to "surprise" me. So I don't know whose bulbs are popping up - mine, theirs, or both. All will be revealed if/when they bloom!

Fact #8: I do have one stray tulip that pops up in the middle of my lawn every year. It's from the people that lived here before us. 

Fact #9: I'm struggling with Wednesdays right now. They are so chock full of events that I can barely function. I really wish Nicky could drive. It would help immensely. 

Fact #10: This morning I realized that I haven't checked my weight for a year. The last time I stepped on a scale was at a medical appointment last March. I don't know how much I weigh! It's actually very liberating. I know I'm not exactly "thin," but I'm also not a slave to a scale. It's probably one of the best things I've ever done for myself. 

All There Is

I've been trying to think of something to blog about all day... something that's not related to h*rpes. Turns out, h*rpes is all there is! Kicking this virus is my life right now. I'm not really doing much else. 

I'm on day 11.

By the end, it will have probably been a two-week thing, but it feels like it's gone on forever and ever. It's funny how the experiences of a few days can feel like a lifetime.

Since my last post...

I have developed a h*rpes infection in my finger! It's called whitlow finger. I had a sore spot near my nail, and on Saturday, I noticed it had a dark spot in it. It looked (and felt) like I had a sliver, so I got a needle and tweezers and started the removal process only to find out it wasn't a sliver, but a pocket of infection!

I took an antiviral to keep it from getting too bad, and luckily, it's been okay. It's ugly, but it's not very painful. Just a little sore. It kind of reminds me of a mild ingrown toenail.

But back to the mouth...

With help from my pharmacist, I was able to track down an in-stock lidocaine prescription. THANK HEAVENS. But also? Ew. Let me tell you about the lidocaine. It's thick! Imagine... the consistency of paint. Also, it's gross. Imagine... the flavor of paint. Now put it in your mouth and swish it around. Nasty, right? 

The first time I used the lidocaine was in the parking lot of the pharmacy, and I had to get out of my car because I thought I was going to throw up ((shudder)). But I was so happy to find that it numbed my mouth, and I was able to have a few minutes of relief. 

Oh blessed relief!

My mouth has been in so much pain that I've been clenching my teeth non-stop, and when my muscles relaxed for the first time, I realized just how much tension I'd been holding (not sure how I still have a double chin). The lidocaine has been touch and go. Sometimes it numbs better than others, but I'm so glad I have it. I never would have survived the last five days without it. It does make me nauseous, but I'm willing to deal with that to have some relief from the pain. 

Yesterday was the first day that I noticed a slight decrease in pain. Today I had another slight decrease in pain. Emphasis on the slight. I was hoping for greater progress once I got on the other side of the infection, but it is slow going! I describe it as feeling like the top layer of skin has been shaved off my tongue, gums, and the roof of my mouth. Everything burns. Even water. For a few days, I survived on Sprite and chocolate milk, but then those started to hurt, so I would slather my mouth in Orajel and hurry and guzzle a protein shake to have something in my belly so I could take medication. Then the Orajel started to hurt my mouth. After I got the lidocaine, I started rinsing with lidocaine and then guzzling my protein drink while my mouth was numb just so I wasn't starving. 

Over the weekend, I was able to chop up some scrambled eggs really small and swallow them without chewing. Food is really not enjoyable that way. I had to coat my mouth in lidocaine to do it, and not being able to taste or chew definitely takes the joy out of eating! 

Yesterday I was able to eat a little bit of bread and pulled pork chopped into bits, and today I was able to have spaghetti. But the sauce nearly killed me, so I ended up eating plain noodles. 

When I can eat normally again, I will definitely be thanking Heavenly Father regularly for that ability. 

Talking hurts. Exposing my mouth to air hurts. Drinking through a straw hurts. Chewing hurts. Swallowing hurts. Brushing my teeth is pure torture, but I force myself to do it once a day because the Orajel and lidocaine make my teeth feel gritty. Flossing isn’t even an option right now (and I LOVE to floss)!

My mouth bleeds a lot. And I drool like crazy.

But... I'm finally improving. I wouldn't mind it if things sped up a bit, but I'll take whatever I can get!

I've been really fatigued. At first it was the typical fatigue that comes with a virus, but now I think my body is just tired from being in pain, and I haven't been able to properly energize myself with food. Everyday I turn on M*A*S*H and sleep for two hours. I keep coaching myself with "sleeping time is healing time," because, honestly, I feel really guilty. 

(When I'm sick, I like to sleep with the TV on. It's just one of those weird, comforting things, and might I say that Margaret Houlihan is queen of the top knot?) 

My friends and family have treated me like gold. Unfortunately, there's not a lot anyone can do to relieve the pain, but I've felt loved and cared for. Lots of people have been checking in. 

I hope that in writing this I don't sound like I'm complaining. I'm really just trying to write a description, not have a whine fest. I mean, yeah... it sucks, but I also spend everyday thinking about blessed I am that this is just a temporary ailment (sure... an ailment that will lie dormant in my body for the rest of my life and could activate at any time, but hopefully, if there's a next time, we catch it early, and hopefully it's in the form of a cold sore and not this nonsense). 

Aftermath

Hello there!

Apparently, when you make a formal announcement on the internet that you're suffering from a h*rpes outbreak, you get a huge increase in blog traffic. Boy, howdy. That sure makes me feel special.

The only other time my site traffic has spiked like it has in the last 24 hours was several years ago when I wrote about how I saw a teenage boy at the water park who was sagging his swimming suit over p00-streaked underwear. I've never understood sagging, but IMHO, if you're going to sag, you should make sure your undies are clean. Be thoughtful about it. I'm just sayin...

(I ended up deleting that post because of the search engine traffic it was bringing in. I don't know about this world. Seriously. And now, here I am, blogging about h*rpes and p00 streaks in the same post. Double whammy!)

Anyway, the good news is, I didn't have any new sores in my mouth when I woke up this morning! The bad news is, I feel like the first layer of skin on the roof of my mouth and on my tongue has been shaved off. It's a different sensation than yesterday's pain. But that's enough about that. I'll survive. 

My kids were out of school today... again... because they're always out of school. They begged me all day to take them to all the food places. I told them not today, but believe me, when my mouth feels good again, there will be a big food-centered celebration. 

In other news, Scotty fell asleep on my leg while I was writing this, and now he’s acting delusional. He does this thing where, after he’s been sleeping for a while, he wakes up and says, “Sorry, Britt. I think I’m going to fall asleep.” And I’m like, “Whatever dude. You’ve been out cold for 40 minutes.” 

In other, other news, did you know that Daniel Radcliffe is playing Weird Al in a biopic about his life? Wha?????

Also, may I just throw out there that today is the two year anniversary of the pandemic? I’m celebrating with what I thought was COVID but is actually h*erpes. Sorry, ‘rona. I tried.

Herpetic Hellos!

In my last post I mentioned that I've been sick since the weekend. I'm still in pretty rough shape. On Tuesday, I went to the doctor and was tested for strep (I'd tested negative for COVID on Sunday and again on Monday). The rapid strep test came back negative, but the doctor looked at my throat and decided to go ahead and treat me for it anyway because I had white sores all over the place. She also said she wasn't going to bother sending a culture to the lab.

The next morning, I woke up with more white sores all over my tongue, gums, and roof of my mouth. There are also several places where my gums and roof of my mouth are swollen, and one spot where there's a hole in my gums. So it began to seem that it really might not be strep, but I gave the antibiotics another 24 hours to see if there was any improvement. 

This morning I woke up with more sores in my mouth, and the hole in my gums had gotten bigger, so I decided I better check in with my dentist. 

I did my hair and make-up for the first time in a week (and I totally looked like a supermodel - that's the exciting aspect of letting myself go for so long - I highly recommend it), numbed my mouth with Orajel (I'm an addict and overdoser at this point), and headed to the dentist.

What I thought would most likely happen: they would tell me I have a virus and that I just have to suck it up.

What I hoped would actually happen: they would tell me about their exciting new laser treatment for mouth sores that would be covered by my insurance and offer immediate relief. I would get lasered. My mouth would feel great. They would send me home with a complimentary tank of nitrous oxide so I could gas myself into a happy place to make up for the last several days of misery and pain.  

Of course, it was the former. 

The hygienist asked, "Do you ever get cold sores?" 

And from then I knew what was coming... they were going to tell me it's herpes. Damn.

The dentist came in, took a look at my sores, and said, "This is a very typical 'herpetic outbreak,'" and then he carried on with "herpetic virus this and that" and "the same virus that causes cold sores" and "you're just going to have to suffer for a while."

But he wouldn't say "herpes." It was all "herpetic" and "virus."

How cute. 

And typical? I'm pretty sure it's not "typical" at all. In fact, I think it's very special. If I'm gonna have herpes, I'm gonna have special herpes! None of the typical stuff!

Since I've already gone through a full-fledged outbreak, it's too late for an antiviral. And gosh darnnit, that's too bad because I have a stash of Valtrex in my medicine cabinet for all my herpes-infested family members. Scotty, Nicky, and Daisy all have the cold sore curse. Meanwhile, I've never had one.

So, to my dismay, I got sent out of the dentist's office with no relief, but I guess it's good to know that I'm part of the herpes club now. Ugh.

Like I said, I’ve never had any cold sores. While it's caused by the same "herpetic" virus, I've had a completely different reaction. I had headaches, swollen lymph nodes, body aches and chills, and a sore throat. My gums started off sore and swollen, but I thought that was from my dental cleaning on Friday. The first white ulcer I found was in my throat, so that led to to think it was strep. Then my mouth just bloomed! And believe me, if I ever feel anything remotely like this happening in my mouth again, I'm taking care of it right away. It's been so painful. I haven't been able to eat because my mouth is so sore, and I have to say, I've never wanted a cheap, crappy McDonald's cheeseburger so bad in my life! I'm living off Sprite and chocolate milk, and I can hardly stand to have either of those in my mouth. I think my relationship with Tru Moo may suffer. 

I have cried real tears over food. I never realized how much food is on TV until I spent three days straight in bed with a mouth full of sores! 

Chillin' with my herpes

The dentist gave me a prescription for a lidocaine mouth rinse. I don't have high hopes for it, as I've already been using a mouth wash for mouth sores, and it's done diddly squat other than burn me into oblivion with menthol. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up, and they were out of stock. Figures. I ran into my friend Christie in the parking lot and approached her with my tongue out to say, "Chrithtie, look at thith! I have herpethe!" I only let her see one sore, though. Just enough to make her feel bad for me, but not enough to send her running to her car screaming. Sadly, this is a woe that can't be cured with Cafe Rio, and Christie and I are far overdue!

The dentist said that I've most likely reached the peak of the virus, and things should start improving shortly but to plan on at least another week. Yuck. Fortunately, the head & body aches, chills, and fatigue have subsided. I just have tender lymph nodes and the mouth/throat sores to battle. I can handle the lymph nodes. The mouth sores, on the other hand, are making me a drama queen, so thanks for enduring the show!

Bookish Thoughts

This past week wasn't a great book week. There are times when I go through a streak of amazing books, and then there are times when I can't find a book I like, and I quit several books in a row, or maybe I just don't feel like reading, or I finish several "meh" books and feel like my time was wasted. 

As much as I hate a DNF, I’m trying to walk away from more books that don’t appeal to me so I can spend more time reading books I actually like. The problem is, even when I’m halfway through a book and not loving it, I still have hope that it might change. It’s happened many times, and I’d hate to miss out. But at the same time, I’m trying to be a better discerner of what I like in a book. 

Here's hoping to some good reading in the coming days! I have a stack of books from the library just waiting! Surely one of them will be a gem!

(Update: I started this post several days ago and didn't finish. Then I got sick and spent a few days flat in bed. At this point, I'm not reading because my head feels like it's going to explode, so now I've had two "not great" book weeks in a row).

I always keep a list of book recommendations on my phone. Some of my favorite places to get book recommendations are:

• Goodreads - There are 3-4 friends on Goodreads who have very similar taste in books, so I know when they rate a book 4-5 stars, it's worth looking into. I also have 3-4 friends from whom I generally won't take a book recommendation because we simply DO NOT like the same things (but I enjoy seeing what they are reading nonetheless). 
• Sam's Club or Costco - I'll take a photo of the books at Sam's or Costco then come home and look them up on Goodreads and add some to my list. 
• Word of mouth - obviously.
• Facebook - when my "to read" list gets sparse, I'll sometimes ask for recommendations on Facebook. I don't get the best recommendations that way because about 80% of the recommendations are the same books the same people told me about last time I asked, and I've already read them. But it's always worth a try, and I like to see what people are reading and what they like. 
• Reader's Choice - our county library system does a read and vote program called Reader's Choice. They release a book list twice a year, and patrons can read as many as they want and vote to determine a winner. I get so excited when the new Reader's Choice selections come out. I always take a pamphlet home and look up all the books on Goodreads and add the ones I'm interested in to my list. 

As a personal rule, I don't follow any social media influencers, so I don't seek out book recommendations that way, but I can always tell when one of them has recommended a book because suddenly eight of my friends will mark the same book as "want to read" on Goodreads.  

I dabbled in Pinterest book lists for a while but found that I rarely like a book recommended on Pinterest, so I don't bother anymore. Amazon First Reads have also been mostly bummers, but I still download one every month... because what if? 

One of my favorite experiences to have with a book is when I go into it with very few expectations and end up loving it. 

My reading habits have changed with time. I used to be very anti-audiobook and anti-e-book, but now I embrace them both while still enjoying an occasional paperback. I also used to prefer to not read book synopses and just dive in ignorant. Now I always read the synopsis and do a little research when choosing a book. I find that there are a lot of books where, if I don't read the synopsis, I don't fully understand what's going on. That's true of the book I'm currently reading, Klara and the Sun by Kauo Ishiguro. I only understand - to some extent - what Klara is (an "artificial friend") because it said so in the synopsis. The book has just left me to make assumptions.

Speaking of books I don't understand, I struggle with fantasy, sci-fi, and classic literature. I'd like to think I'm somewhat intelligent - not a genius, by any means, just smart "enough" - but I just can't figure out fantasy. It makes me feel like I'm missing a function of the brain. There are always these languages and kingdoms that aren't well-explained. It's like, there's stuff I'm already supposed to know, and the author doesn't want to explain it to me. Plus, in fantasy books, there are always journeys. I struggle with journeys. That's not to say that I won't read a book with a journey, but I wouldn't say I'm much of a fan. If weird creatures are trekking across land running into problem after problem, I'm gonna suffer a bit. Toy Story included. 

(I do love LOTR but you have to admit... it's exactly what I described above. The languages... the kingdoms... the trekking creatures... also, I never made it past the first book. When it comes to Tolkien, just give me the movies. Likewise, I prefer classic literature in the form of BBC miniseries, though I've never managed to sit through Pride and Prejudice).

Whenever I ask for book recommendations on Facebook, someone will always ask, "What kind of books do you like?" I never know how to answer this. I can tell you the books I usually don't like: regency romance and chick-lit in addition to fantasy, sci-fi, and classic lit (I love the stories and themes of classic lit, but I don't care for the actual writing). I'll still explore these genres once in a while, but they're not usually my preference. In recent years, I'm also not very keen on series - I prefer stand-alone books. Despite the genres I'm not a big fan of, I still think I'm a well-rounded reader who likes a variety of books. 

Someday, if it ever works out, I'd like to write a novel. I'm at peace with "maybe I will, maybe I won't." I'm good either way. But there are a lot of things I fear about writing a book - namely rejection, criticism, and/or failure (I've spent my life avoiding things I might not succeed at - I'm basically a professional). Last year, my book club had the chance to meet with an author, Margo Catts, over Skype to talk about her book, Among the Lesser Gods. I asked her several questions, one of which was "how do you deal with criticism?" She had great answers. I don't remember what she said, but I recall walking out of that book club meeting feeling like I could write a book. The feeling went away quickly, but for a brief moment, I felt capable. 

Putting yourself out there like that is a big deal. Thinking about 12 different publishing houses rejecting Harry Potter is quite discouraging. But then I go to the library with my kids, and we come home with a book about a piece of toast who wants to be a dog, and I think, "If this is a published book, I can totally write one!"

Since I'm trying to finish this post while I'm sick (and feeling like I'm breathing fever out of my mouth), I'm going to go ahead and give myself permission to not come to any conclusion here (one more reason I actually shouldn't write a book - I'm terrible at wrapping things up and would much prefer to just point and yell at something in the sky to distract you while I run away).

I'm not sure that tactic sells many books. 

*If you're wondering what I'm sick with, my best guess is strep. On Saturday, I had headaches all day, and in the middle of the night I woke up with a sore throat and body aches. I thought I had COVID (since Nicky just had it), but I had a negative at-home test on Sunday and a negative PCR test yesterday. I went to the dentist on Friday and was suffering from some pretty intense mouth pain over the weekend, which I thought was from the hygienist being extra vigorous during my cleaning, but then I looked at the sores and realized it looked a lot like strep. Today when I woke up, I had developed several more sores, so I went and got tested for strep. It came back negative! But the doctor looked in my mouth and said, "Girl, I'm giving you antibiotics anyway! That looks horrible." And it is! I would rather read a fantasy novel any day than have this pain! I would post a photo, but you would never forgive me. So no reading for a while, but I have slept through 21 episodes of M*A*S*H in the past 48 hours. 

The Truth About Camp

When I was 13 years old, I went to a week-long church camp. I was put in a bunkhouse with about 20 girls. We were divided into two groups of 10 - each group having a camp counselor. 

My bunkmate was my friend, Rachael. I was also fortunate to be randomly put in the same group as my friend Lynsie and her bunkmate, Lindsey. Overall, camp might have been great, but we had some girls in our cabin that were mean. I won't go into all the details, but we spent those few days at camp worrying about these girls finding a reason to make fun of us after witnessing them being mean to some of the other girls. 

For one of the nights, we had to pack up our stuff and go on a short hike for an "overnighter." On the overnighter, we had to dig a latrine and set up tarps around it. We tied a log to two trees to serve as our "toilet seat," and then we got to spend 24 hours doing our business in the woods. 

I have always had some outdoor bathrooming anxiety. To this day, I am paranoid about being seen while going in the forest. I'm also worried about peeing all over myself and stepping in someone else's poop (which happened to me once while camping with my family). At camp, I was so scared that someone would walk in on me in the latrine that I could not go to the bathroom. I decided I was just going to have to hold it for those 24 hours. I thought I was going to make it, but I was very distraught to wake up in the middle of the night to my bladder releasing in my sleeping bag. 

Yup. I peed the bed at camp. 

I lay there for several minutes among the mean girls sleeping on a gigantic tarp trying to figure out what to do. No one could know! Those girls would rip me apart if they had any hint of what had happened. I had to resolve the problem by dark of night and never speak of it!

I was able to reach my backpack and discreetly change my clothes inside my sleeping bag without waking anyone up. I was very lucky to have not gotten very much pee in my bed - most of it was on my clothes. I rolled my pee jammies up just so and tucked them in my backpack. I tiptoed to the latrine to finish what I'd started and protected my deep, dark secret for the rest of camp, which required me to spend one more night sleeping in my pee bag and crossing my fingers that the mean girls wouldn't detect the smell. I was never more grateful to be home than I was after that camp. 

Recently I had a change in church assignments. For almost four years, I was the music leader for the children, and then in November of last year, I was asked to work with the teenage girls. The 13 year olds will be going to that same camp this summer. In a recent meeting with some other church leaders, they were talking about this camp and saying how wonderful it is and how the girls will make life-long friends and have such a good time. 

And I was like...

And I realized just how damaged I still am from that experience. 

So next year when my daughter has the chance to go, I'm going to be the most helicopterest mother you ever saw. I'll pack her Depends. I'll sneak her a satellite phone. I'll park out on the street with binoculars and a luggable loo.

Just lemme be.  

Things That Went Right This Week

This week hasn't been the greatest. It hasn't been horrible, but it's had some challenges. Nicky came down with COVID last week, so he was home from school for several days. We've all worn masks and tried our darndest to not get sick - mostly because Daisy has a big school event on Saturday that she would be miserable to miss (and make the rest of us miserable as well), so our fingers are crossed that we make it one more day! 

Nevertheless, a lot of things have "gone right" this week. Here are some of them:

My friend brought me a smiley face balloon. I haven't had my own balloon in, like, 20 years, so it was pretty exciting!

I found a quart of my favorite chocolate milk marked down to 75 cents at Smiths. I love Tru Moo! (although I like the fuller fat version better than the lowfat. Give me all the chocolate milk fats).

And if that weren't enough of a treat, I also found a gallon of Kroger chocolate milk for 99 cents, so I didn't even have to share my Tru Moo with my kids!

Oh, but that's not all... the sell by date on both was March 11th! So there was no rush to chug it all at once.

AND...

I found two gallons of 1% milk (our usual preference) for $1.20 each with a sell by date of March 18.

(Be happy for me and my milks).

Speaking of sweet deals, I bought a chair from the thrift store this week!

At first I thought it was $35, but then I saw that there were some different tags on it that said $25. I was more than happy to pay $25, but when I went to make arrangements to pay for the chair and come back later for it, the manager said, "You can't pay $25 for this! The arm rest is broken! I'll give it to you for $15!"

And inside, I was like...

But on the outside, I was like... 

(Oh my heck, Young Leo. I'm suddenly in junior high again).

I got the chair home later that day and shampooed it. It was pretty darn clean already, but one must always shampoo the thrifted things. I let it dry overnight and then moved it down to the family room to a corner where I've wanted a chair for a while. 

The next day I went back to the thrift store and found the little pillow that's on the chair, and I also bought an end-tabley-thingy for $4 that I'm currently refinishing to put next to the chair (I had to repair some damage, and I'm giving the glue a good 24 hours to dry, then I'll slap some cheap paint on it). 

Another thrift store success this week was that I scoured the dishes, hoping to find some plates I can put on my plate rack for Easter, and badabing! I found some! I don't have a photo of them because I put them in storage until after March 17, so instead, I'll show you my Saint Patrick's Day plate configuration:

(I got the white and green plates from the thrift store and the gold chargers from the dollar store - I love shopping for plates).

I also found a new wreath for my front door (I'm hopelessly addicted to wreaths and plates) and a new door mat for the porch at Ross. And I found some pants for Daisy to replace the pair she wears EVERYDAY that now have a hole in the knee (this girl only wears one outfit, and it makes me crazy - tie dyed shirts and black pants).

This week I had my dental exam and received rave reviews. I'm always happy when the hygienist and dentist acknowledge my efforts at flossing. 

They might go out of their way to praise me since every time I go there, I remind them that, "I floss everyday, and I'm not even lying!" 

This week I also had a few things go well food-wise.

First I made twisty breadsticks, which I learned how to do at Relief Society.

 

(Note that my platter is from the thrift store). 

I also made Indian Butter Chicken for the first time... for myself... for lunch... because no one will help me eat it.

It was delicious, and I even used brown rice instead of basmati or jasmine (which I love), so I feel like I should get a sticker or something. 

To make up for the brown rice, I went to my favorite donut shop (Fresh Donuts & Deli) and got a dozen donuts, and they had warm blueberry donuts and maple donuts. 

My two favorites!

They're good room temperature and melt in your mouth, but they are an absolute delight when they are warm! The only problem with them being warm is that you have to eat three at once. It's a rule. 

So despite a few things going wrong this week, a lot of things went right, and I'm thriving on that!