How to Eat Toast: A Tutorial for Moms

Step 1: Put two slices of bread in the toaster while you distribute Eggos to your children

Step 2: Take your toast out of the toaster

Step 3: Realize there is no soft butter

Step 4: Get butter out of fridge and microwave for 12 seconds 

Step 5: Pop toast back in toaster to warm up again

Step 6: Forfeit toaster access to replenish children’s Eggos

Step 7: Distribute second round of Eggos

Step 8: Put toast back in toaster

Step 9: Remove toast from toaster and apply butter

Step 10: Take a bite of toast

Step 11: Help your daughter comb her hair, inspect teeth brushing, respond to text message from child’s speech therapist, take a bathroom break, find a lost shoe, make 6 more Eggos, and take your pills while you’re thinking about it.

Step 12: Enjoy your cold toast