Currently {July 2021 Edition}

Reading: 

So far I'm not buying into the story. 

Watching: 

I started re-watching Call the Midwife from the beginning. I've watched all the Jenny Lee seasons before, but I haven't watched any of the newer seasons. Mostly I just needed a Miranda Hart fix after finishing Miranda and going through withdrawals. 

Wearing: a University of Utah t-shirt with cut-off shorts that are seconds away from splitting in the crotch. What a dangerous life I live! 

Listening to: 

We had an hour-long drive the other day, and I tried turning on Matilda in hopes that the kids would listen to it, but no. I can't trick them into enjoying books. They won't have it. 

Singing: “No Me Diga” from In the Heights.

Buying: new tires. The most recent batch of tires on the van have been cursed. I got a screw in the tire right after we bought them, but it was repairable. A few months later, I got another screw in the same tire! But it was in the side wall, so we ended up having to buy two new tires. Kindly, they gave us a good discount. Then Father's Day weekend, we got another screw in the sidewall of a different tire and ended up having to buy two new tires, of which they discounted one. Then on Sunday, we found a nail in one of the new tires. 

Craving: a nap in a cold room. I'm not sleeping well at night lately, and I think it's because I'm hot. I should just get up and turn on the swamp cooler (we still live the swamp cooler life at our house), but I have swamp cooler guilt!

Swamp cooler guilt: when you feel bad about using water and energy to cool your house when you could just suck it up and probably be ok. Swamp cooler guilt also includes the knowledge that if you get up in the middle of the night to turn on the swamp cooler, you're going to be too lazy to get up later to turn it off.

Update: I've started turning on the swamp cooler when I get hot at night. And I'm too lazy to turn it off, as suspected. , 

Needing: to get my kids to read. I thought about hiring a pre-teen to come read with them once a week, but I have a pre-teen, so I feel like I shouldn't have to hire one. Yet... family is complicated, so I might just have to bring in an outsider.

Daydreaming about: going to the thrift store and finding something amazing. 

Regretting: eating a really big rice krispy treat earlier today. It wasn't just an ordinary one - it had marshmallows and coconut frosting with chocolate drizzle. It was delicious... for a minute. Now I just want to puke.

I even shared the dang thing with my kids, and it was still too much!

Annoyed by: fluid in my ears. It's making me crazy (See #'s 40-43).

Playing: Clue. Every year for Chad and Scotty’s birthdays, we have to play Clue (See # 35).

Working on: my spiritual habits. I've gotten a bit complacent regarding spiritual things lately. 

Procrastinating: taking care of our current laundry situation. Right now I'm feeling some really negative emotions toward the laundry cycle. 

Loving: the pumpkin vines growing in my front yard. I grow them every year. Never get any pumpkins, but the vines are a nice and green addition to my otherwise dead front yard. 

Hoping: that we get to harvest some corn in a few weeks! Things are looking hopeful!

Worried about: Nicky at YM camp. I’m not overly worried, but just the right amount of worried. This is the first time he’s been on a camp without Scotty. I’m not worried about his safety so much as I am about the social experience. 

Update: He made it home and seems to have had a decent time.

Looking forward to: the sunflowers in my yard blooming. I am terrible with flowers - I kill them all - but I’ve managed to grow sunflowers for the past three summers.  

Update: They have started blooming!

Eating: honey crisp apple sliced with cookie butter and Pringles.

Struggling with: energy. I’m so tired lately. I tend to be more depressed in the summer, so there’s a little bit of that going on, and the heat just adds to it. I nap every day, and when I nap, it takes me forever to get up and going again.

Thinking about: quitting soda. Just thinking about it… but then part of me is like, “No! Wait until Labor Day. Spend this summer with your beautiful Cokes. You need them to survive.”

But the other part of me is like, “You haven’t had any soda today. If you keep this up, you could be one day soda sober by this afternoon, and then you could just keep going!”

Update: I haven't had any soda since June!

Learning: that people don’t care how much you know. They only care about how you make them feel. I read a quote about this recently, and I was like, “Holy crap! That is absolutely true! But why have I never thought of this before?” I’ve spent way too much of my life acting like a know-it-all and always trying interject every conversation with what I know. What an unattractive quality! So I’m trying to not do that any more.

Trying: to overcome feelings of Mom Failure. 

Enjoying: any moment I don't have to wear a bra. No photo. You're welcome.

Feeling: all over the place. I'm happy, depressed, tired, excited, anxious, lonely, blessed, bored, hungry, and grateful all at once. 

Grateful for: all forms of air conditioning.