Ten Random Memories

Memory #1: The first church dance I went to was a Halloween dance. I dressed up like a construction worker. I drew a beard on myself with eyeliner, wore a hard hat, and stuffed a pillow in my belly. 

No boys asked me to dance. 

Memory #2: When I was 13, I peed in my sleeping bag at camp. I was terrified to use the latrine in the night, and I thought I could hold it. I woke up in horror right as my bladder lost control. I discreetly changed my clothes in the dark and spent the rest of camp hiding my secret. The girls in my bunk were ruthless and mean and would have eaten me alive if they'd known. 

Memory #3: One time while I was in the conference center, I stood up when the prophet walked in, and my skirt fell down. 

Luckily no one noticed because they were all watching the prophet. 

Memory #4: When I was in high school I had a seminary teacher who would yell, "Damage!" when something went wrong. Drop an Expo marker? "Damage!" Miss the wastebasket? "Damage!" Stub a toe? "Damage!"

It was very disconcerting!

Memory #5: When I was 11 years old, a girl named Natalie kept calling me and asking when I was going to pick her up. She called once a week for three weeks, and I kept telling her I had no idea who she was. I still wonder what the heck that was all about. 

Memory #6: One morning in high school I wasn't feeling well. I ran out of the classroom because I knew I was going to throw up. As I was rushing down the hall toward the bathroom, a teacher walked around the corner, and I ran right into him and threw up all over his shoes. 

He wrote me a note that said, "She is sick" with an arrow pointing up at my face and sent me to the office. 

Memory #7: One time during a Young Women activity, my friends and I stumbled across a couple getting it on in the back of the church parking lot. Our Young Women leader responded with, "Hey, that's how I got pregnant with Jessica!"

Memory #8: When I was five I was a flower girl at my uncle's wedding. I fell in love with the ring bearer, and he returned my affection by stealing the fancy toothpicks out of the mini sandwiches and bringing them to me. 

Memory #9: I went through a childhood phase where I wanted my name to be Meadow Lark.

Memory #10: When I was a teenager, one of the boys in Sunday School walked into class with a big bag of candy while the teacher was out of the room. He climbed on the classroom table, pushed up the ceiling tiles, and hid his bag of candy in the ceiling. 

It was Scotty.