Fact #1: Last night I had a dream that I was going to Disneyland. My subconscious is very aware of COVID, so in my dream, as I prepared for my trip to Disneyland, I knew my mask needed to be two-layers (as per the Disney World requirements). As I entered Disneyland with my COVID savvy face covering, I began sobbing hysterically. I cried and cried and cried. And then I took a teary selfie in front of the castle before my subconscious registered that Disneyland is still closed, and I woke up disappointed.
Fact #2: Our street was resurfaced today, so our road is closed. We parked on a different street so we'd still be able to come and go throughout the day. After the slurry was poured, I had to walk to my van, and I decided to take a chance in my Donny & Marie flip-flops and cross on the asphalt.
The flip-flops in their prime
I now have asphalt splatters up and down both legs, and while I was at the grocery store, my shoes kept sticking to the floor.
Lesson learned. Don't walk on the fresh asphalt. Especially in flip-flops.
(In other words, read the paper they bring to your house that says not to walk on the fresh slurry and then obey).
Fact #3: The other day, I was in the bathroom when I heard the distinct sound of fabric ripping. Then both my boobs sort of fell to the sides. The center of my bra had surrendered. It just... gave up. It said, "I can't hold it together anymore!" and it released all its tension and stretched out about two inches.
Thanks for that, bra.
Fact #4: I have been extremely tired lately, which means I have also been dysfunctional. I don't have any energy. I need to sleep for a month. Can't I just sleep for a month? That would be marvelous because then I could wake up and put out my fall decorations! Assuming I'll have the energy.
Fact #5: After fact #4, I had to take a nap. I've had to nap pretty much every day for the past month, and I hate it. I just can't function. I think it's a combo of the heat and my depression. My depression has always been well-managed on medication. This is the first time I've had issues with symptoms when I'm already on antidepressants. It's a bit discouraging.
Fact #6: Daisy has really thick, long, beautiful hair, and she doesn't appreciate it. She cries like crazy any time I brush it, but she can't manage to brush it herself. It's always matted, and it takes me a half hour to brush it on a good day. She doesn't let me style it, either. She just wants it in a ponytail every day.
In order to keep the length but make it easier to brush, I bought some thinning shears a few months ago and thinned her hair (consider it her honorary "covid cut"). Then last week, after yet another half hour battle brushing her hair, I thinned her hair again. I cut and cut and cut. And now her hair is thin, and she can actually brush it herself!
Fact #7: As I am typing this, I am in the middle of a baking disaster. I'm not sure what advice I should follow:
"If at first you don't succeed, try try again."
OR
"Know when to hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run."
Fact #8: Daisy and I decided to use up some of our zucchini today, so we made three dozen zucchini muffins and a double batch of zucchini brownies. The first batch of brownie batter seemed funky, and I suspected Daisy didn't double the oil. I ended up throwing it out and started again. Then I put them in the oven, and when the timer went off, they were completely raw. Turns out, Daisy turned the oven off, and she claims I told her to. Why would I tell her to turn off the oven when I knew we were making brownies? But whatever. I turned the oven back on, and the brownies eventually baked. We've yet to try them. I've kind of lost faith in the brownies at this point.
Fact #9: I always maintained that my kids aren't allowed to watch Harry Potter until they read the books. This week I caved. I have tried and tried to get Nicky and/or Daisy to read Harry Potter. They won't. In fact, they won't read anything. I always thought that my kids would be natural readers because I am a reader. Surely kids who are raised watching their mother read will become readers, right? I guess not.
MY KIDS WON'T READ.
And it's a tragedy.
But anyway, I let go of my dreams of them reading Harry Potter, and we are watching the movies together now. Even that is being done against their wills, and I have to fight them.
Who are these people I'm raising?
Fact #10: Speaking of things my kids refuse to do... I will now bid you adieu so I can go make fajitas for dinner and listen to my kids tell me how gross they are.
*But not as hot as Death Valley
RIP your bra 😅☺️😂
ReplyDeleteBest story I've heard all week.