I marked a lot of passages, and here are just a few that I want to remember:
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"Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak."
-Quote from Greek philosopher, Epictetus (p. 1)
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"To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative" (p. 2).
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"Done well and with deliberation, listening can transform your understanding of the people and the world around you, which inevitably enriches and elevates your experience and existence. It is how you develop wisdom and form meaningful relationships" (p. 4).
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"To listen well is to figure out what's on someone's mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know" (p. 32).
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"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
-Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
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"...it's important to remember that what you know is a persona and not a person, and there's a big difference. There's more than you can imagine below the surface." (referring to when we think we know things about people based on labels like vegan, Mormon, republican, millennial, etc) (p. 58).
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"Talking about yourself doesn't add anything to your knowledge base" (p. 68).
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"People are so much more than their labels and political positions. And effective opposition only comes from having a complete understanding of another person's point of view and how they came to develop it. How did they land where they landed? And how did you land where you landed? Listening is the only way to have an informed response. Moreover, listening begets listening. Someone who has been listened to is far more likely to listen to you" (p. 83).
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"To listen does not mean, or even imply, that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person's point of view and that you might have something to learn from it. It also means that there might be multiple truths and understanding them all might lead to a larger truth" (p. 88).
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"What is love but listening to and wanting to be a part of another person's evolving story?" (p. 211).
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"[Keeping a journal is] really a way to train yourself to look and listen... You slow down and translate a big confusing world, almost like a prayer."
-Quote from author, Anothony Doerr (p. 212).
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"Listening is often regarded as talking's meek counterpart, but it is actually the more powerful position in communication. You learn when you listen. It's how you divine truth and detect deception. And though listening requires that you let people have their say, it doesn't mean you have to remain forever silent. In fact, how one responds is the measure of a good listener and, arguably, the measure of a good person" (p. 223).
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Interesting facts:
- Smart people are often worse listeners because they come up with more alternative things to think about and are more likely to assume they already know what a person is going to say (p. 71).
- Nearly 1/3 of people in a study said they have stopped talking to a friend of family member because of disagreements over politics since the 2016 election (p. 82)
- The presence of a phone on the table makes people more disinclined to talk about anything important or meaningful (p. 176)
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