Maybe You Should Talk to Someone was one of the last books I read pre-COVID. This book appealed to me because I entertain dreams of becoming a marriage and family therapist someday. If I ever go back to school for my masters, that will likely be my pursuit. Right now the time and expense of getting through school and getting licensed doesn't seem like a good investment, but I will forever be drawn to the social sciences.
(Those of you who know me well and have heard me criticize my husband or yell at my children are probably shaking your heads and saying "Gosh, no! Don't do it!" Yeah, I'm a piece of work, myself).
I enjoyed Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. It's an "if you're interested in this sort of thing" book. And I confess, by the end, it was feeling way too long. It did give me a bit of a high, though, as I envisioned myself working with Gottlieb's clients in their various troubles. Her capacity to be objective and non-judgmental (which is kind of important in therapy) gave me a lot to think about (my natural tendency to think, "OHMYGOSH! Suck it up and get your crap together!" isn't the ideal therapist mentality).
(Again, you may be thinking How could Britt ever be fit to be a therapist? I guess we'll just deal with it if it ever happens).
I read this book through Kindle and took screenshots of my highlights before the book got sucked back into the library vortex, so I don't have page numbers to go with the quotes (shameful, I know), but here are the quotes that resonated with me in some way:
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"People resent being told what to do. Yes, they may have asked to be told - repeatedly, relentlessly - but after you comply, their initial relief is replaced by resentment."
I feel this. I DO NOT like being told what to do, and yet I'm very prone to give unasked for advice, myself - something I'm trying to stop doing.
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"Change and loss travel together. We can't have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same."
I've been thinking about this a lot as we've been social distancing. I feel like there has been a lot of forced loss. What changes can result from this? Both in myself and in society?
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"The world is filled with difficult people... But sometimes - more often than we tend to realize - those difficult people are us."
I know I have a great capacity to be "difficult." I get very frustrated with other people when they are being difficult, but I feel justified in my own complicated behavior. I often have to take an honest look at myself and admit that I am difficult in many cases where I shouldn't be.
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"Most big transformations come about from the hundreds of tiny, almost imperceptible, steps we take along the way."
As much as I wish change happened overnight, I have to remember that it takes time, and the most effective steps are often small and simple.
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"The most powerful truths - the ones people take the most seriously - are those they come to, little by little, on their own."
Learning from our individual experiences, line upon line, precept upon precept.
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"Therapy is about understanding the self that you are. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself - to let go of the limiting stories you've told yourself about who you are so that you aren't trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you've been telling yourself about your life."
I listen to a lot of friends and family tell their stories, and I can see how those stories have shaped their lives. I often wonder what would happen if they told the story differently. Not falsely, but just as if they were watching it from a different angle. I've been thinking about what stories I tell about my life, and I can see a lot of instances where I use my stories as excuses for my behavior. I get to behave this way because this happened to me. If I do some quality perspective taking, I might come to a new understanding of my stories, and my life could change drastically.
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