My Phobias

A few weeks ago I wrote about some of my fears. As of last weekend, I have a new one: passing out in a hot porta-potty. This new fear came while using a Honey Bucket in 90 degree weather at my in-laws' campground. I was in there thinking, "Wow, it's really hot in here. What if I pass out? How long would it take for them to find me?" No one knew I was in the Honey Bucket. I suddenly became aware of the lack of air flow and the tightness of the walls. The Honey Bucket became a death trap. I thought, "I should text Scotty and let him know I'm in here," but I didn't have service.

Really, I have no reason to worry about passing out - I've never passed out in my life. But being in tight quarters with no air flow brings on panic and gets my imagination riled up. I'm moderately claustrophobic. From day to day, it's not really a big deal, but on the occasion I find myself in a small or closed-in space, I can easily make a fool of myself.

There was a day in primary when I was leading the music, and someone closed the door to the room. I prefer the door open, but normally, I am ok if the door is closed if I take a few deep breaths to remind myself that I have plenty of air. On that particular day, though, it made me panic. The room was hot and fuller than normal. I had to fight to not abandon my lesson and run out of the room and through the back door of the church for fresh air. The second singing time ended, that's exactly what I did.

There's another phobia I want to talk about today, though. It's one I've always had, but I didn't know the term for it until recently: trypophobia. (You're gonna have to google that one on your own. I can't give you a link because I don't want to see the images that come up). I've always had this "thing," but I never would have considered it a "phobia" because it's not necessarily a "fear." 

Trypophobia is having a disgust response to tiny holes. If it happens to you, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If it doesn't happen to you, it will sound crazy.

I first became aware of it when I was about 12 years old, and I tried Easy Mac for the first time. I microwaved the noodles, and they all turned on end so the holes were all facing upward. I looked at them and felt really yucky. I couldn't stop picturing it afterward - the visual was just stuck there in my mind. From then on, I've been very aware that patterns of tiny holes make me feel sick - things like strawberries with their tiny seed holes (shudder) and wasp nests with their little caves (shudder) all make me feel really gross, sometimes to the point of shaking (literal shudder).

(I eat strawberries just fine, but I can't look closely at them. If I do, I get that yucky feeling and then I get fixated on them and can't stop picturing them).

When we were camping last week, I had to face my claustrophobia in the Honey Bucket, but I also had to face my trypophobia when one of my nieces found a rock with tiny holes in it and left it sitting on the picnic table. I kept glancing at it and thinking, "I have to get rid of that thing!" I ended up turning it over. But first I held it up to my niece and said, "Does looking at this rock make you feel yucky?"

She said no and looked at me like I was nuts. 

Apparently trypophobia has been a popular social media topic in the past. Somehow I missed that wave, but it's nice to have a word for it and to know that there are people who have the same reaction. We can be nuts together!