I was kind of in labor with Nicky. I was 41 weeks pregnant, and my body would not cooperate. We joke that Nicky didn't want to come to this world (I can't blame him!) He didn't want to be conceived, and he didn't want to be birthed, and after he was forced out, he screamed for hours.
This was me with Nicky the day we came home from the hospital.
I was not okay, but I put on a brave face. I had post-partum depression,* and it hit immediately. I felt so ashamed of myself for the way I felt. Even now, I have a hard time telling people exactly what I was thinking during that time, but even though I was overwhelmed with distorted thoughts, it didn't diminish my love for Nicky.
He was the most beautiful child.
{five days old}
In many ways, it feels like I've always had Nicky in my life, but in other ways it feels like he just came here. Of course he's twelve! Yet... how can he be twelve already?
Nicky has been such a joy to raise. He has been difficult at times, but so incredibly amazing at others. He has a heart of gold and the best sense of humor. He is genuinely funny and very clever. He writes the silliest stories and draws really hilarious cartoons. He's quick-witted and creative. I hope someday he writes a book.
He has wanted to be a chicken farmer since he was very little (he announced this at his preschool graduation, much to our surprise). Right now he is passionate about golf, food, Dude Perfect, Nerf, food, Disneyland, and food. His fashion sense is very unique - he wears Hawaiian shirts and gym shorts every day and rarely dons a coat. In fact, just this morning I said, "Nicky, do you realize that people will think I'm a bad mom when they see you with no coat on?" and he said, "I can't help it, I'm a man of the woods."
(I explained that a man of the woods probably wears a coat. I mean, 75% of the Justin Timberlakes are at least wearing long sleeves, but whatever...)
Lately Nicky has started wearing church shoes with his Hawaiian shirts and gym shorts, and today he asked me to buy him a Callaway pull-over. He told me he wants to look more like a businessman.
(So is he a man of the woods or a businessman? I don't really know. And where do the Hawaiian shirts fit in?)
Nicky's childhood is fleeting, but there are some child-like attributes he still holds to - not in a way that makes him immature, but in a way that a twelve-year-old boy should still be a child. Nicky loves riding his bike and being outside. He likes to shoot his BB gun and tie knots with rope. He enjoys cooking and grilling and even insisted on baking his own birthday cupcakes today. He likes to read books with fun facts, like Weird but True, and today at the library he bought a used copy of a National Geographic Book about things that stink (he already read the whole thing and can tell you all about skunks and landfills if you ask him).
He does well in school and picks up on things easily. He has a knack for board games. He's very interested in movie credits and does really well with remembering names and facts. He knows all the pop culture references and picks up quickly on allusions in film and books. Nicky is frugal and good at saving money. He fights back about chores and hates showering, but overall, he is a very responsible kid. We can trust him, and that's a wonderful thing that I hope remains true in the coming years.
Nicky is so much fun to be around, and he keeps us laughing! It's been a good twelve years despite the rocky start. We are so blessed to be the parents of this sweet and clever boy!
*I got help, but it was so hard to go talk to someone. I didn't know that it was okay to ask for help. I didn't know that what I was going through was common. It hurt my pride, and that's why I'm more open about it now. I don't want other moms to feel ashamed like I did.
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