The Truth About Potty Training

A few weeks ago, Eva reached the milestone of being "daytime" potty trained. She still has to wear diapers at night, but our diaper use has gone from eight a day to one a day, and I appreciate the financial benefits. The problem is... having a potty trained child isn't all it's cracked up to be. People romanticize the idea, but honestly, it's a royal pain in the tush. All I do these days is deal with potty-ing. Here are some of my potty stories as of late:

Watch Your Step

On Eva's first journey out of the house sans diaper, I wasn't sure how she'd do in a public restroom. We went to Smith's, and immediately as we walked in, she said she needed to go potty. I took her to the restroom, and she refused to go inside. She said the toilets were scary (this is always a possibility with children, as you probably know. Some are just downright terrified of the large toilet and/or the sound of the flush).

I took her in the restroom THREE TIMES while we were there, and with every amount of bribery I could muster, I still could not get her to pee in the potty. Finally I decided to check out and see if I could get her to use the little IKEA potty that I keep in the stow-n-go of my van.

While I was checking out (curse you, self-check-out!), Eva peed all over the floor, and let's just say... it wasn't a small amount. She just stood there in the puddle holding herself and crying. It pooled around both our shoes and all around the shopping cart wheels.

I had to go tell the employee that my child peed on the floor. She was pretty chill about it, in the beginning. She came over with a wad of paper towels and wiped it up... kind of. There was still pee all around the wheels of my shopping cart and all over Eva's and my shoes, so with every step we took, we spread the pee.

Then the employee crouched down to Eva and said, "It's okay to have accidents sometimes, but tell your mom to take you to the restroom next time!"

And then the employee went right back to helping people with their groceries. Didn't wash her hands... didn't use any type of cleaning product on the pee.

And I wheeled my cart with the pee-soaked wheels out the door, leaving streaks all along the way.

The IKEA Potty

Like I said, I keep a little IKEA potty in the stow-n-go of my van. It's very convenient for emergency situations. I've found myself in at least 15 "emergency situations" in the past three weeks. I tell you no lie. I have to let Eva pee in the potty in my van at least once a day during car pool or while running errands. When she tells me she needs to pee, she is a ticking time bomb. Since the Smith's incident, I've learned that I have precisely three minutes from the time she says she needs to pee until she actually does.

All Done

Since we've been embarking on the Great Public Restroom Tour of 2018, I've taken the opportunity to go to the bathroom, myself (might as well take care of business if I'm in there anyway, amiright?) On a few occasions, Eva has decided she can't wait for me, so she unlocks the stall door, and if it's an outward swinging door, she takes off. I keep getting stranded on the toilet, and sometimes I make eye contact with the strangers outside the door. Every single one of my children has done this to me. EVERY DANG ONE.

Wow, That's Fancy Stuff

Fortunately, Eva's fear of public restrooms was short-lived. I don't have the patience to deal with that kind of stuff, so I'm glad she got over it. Now she's fascinated with public restrooms and wants to check them all out.

The first time she experienced an automatic toilet, it blew her mind. I thought it would scare her, but she looked at me, wide-eyed, and said, "Wow, Mom! This toilet flushes all by himself!"

The Line

About once a week, I meet my friend Christie for lunch. Last week we were meeting at Cafe Rio, and I got there before Christie. The line was getting long, so I went ahead and got in line to hold us a place. About five minutes into our wait, Eva started saying she needed to pee (remember how I only have three minutes?) I kept trying to convince her that she could wait, but she started holding herself, so I knew there was no way we were going to make it. I had to get out of line and take her to the bathroom, and when I came back, the line was out the door. I couldn't get back in it. I just couldn't. So I had to surrender and apologize to Christie (Christie is a trooper, though so she met me at a park and brought the food).

At the Park

I took my kids potty at Cafe Rio, but that didn't stop them from needing to poop at the park.

There are no restrooms at the park, so I was desperate. I had the little potty, but I'd never used it for poop. I had to think fast... how can I make poop happen at the park without it being horrible? I ended up lining the potty with a grocery bag and having my kids poop in it.

Um... yep.

Two days later, we had a repeat incident, but that time I didn't have a grocery bag so we used a hamburger wrapper... and then I disposed of the contents in a Happy Meal box.

Don't judge me.

There is nothing glamorous about the newly potty trained.

In the past week I've had to shampoo my mattress, Eva's mattress, the car seat, and the couch (twice) (these accidents happen when she naps). I have to take Eve to the bathroom everywhere we go, sometimes two or three times in a half hour.

She throws a fit at night because she doesn't want us to put a diaper on her, so we have to wait until she falls asleep and we can change her. Then in the morning, she doesn't want to change back into underwear, so I have to chase her down and steal her diaper off her body.

Overall, I'm grateful we've accomplished potty training, but I think I know what the theme of my summer is going to be: Creative Bathrooming.