Dinner Party Guest List: Celebrity Edition

A few weeks ago during lunch I was thinking about how fun it would be to get to sit across from certain people and have meaningful (or even not meaningful) conversations. I started thinking about who I would like to talk to, and I decided I should probably start coming up with a tentative dinner party guest list just in case.

One can never be overly prepared for a dinner party.

(Not that I would know. I don't go to dinner parties. Are there even such things as dinner parties in real life? Do people invite other people over for nice dinners? I've been to a few potlucks and BBQs, but dinner party? No. Though I did host a Christmas dinner with friends one year when I was feeling super social and capable. Was that a dinner party? Help me out here).

Anyway, I started keeping a note on my phone about possible guests for my dinner party. Then I realized that I need to have several different dinner parties. Remember how I struggle with hypotheticals? The guest list started getting too complex. I needed to set some boundaries. For example, can any of my dinner guests be dead people? Because of the difficulties of hypothetical situations, I ended up organizing my dinner party guests lists into categories. So my first dinner party will host celebrities.

Without further ado, here is my unofficial-but-possibly-official celebrity dinner party guest list:

Guest #1: Miley Cyrus

Okay, I bet you didn't see that one coming.

But seriously, Miley is invited, and if she can't make it, I would happily allow Justin Bieber to take her spot.

Why? Because deep down, I have always felt the need to be their mother. I want to hold them in my arms and nurture the crap out of them.

Guest #2: Michael J. Fox

Why? Because Marty McFly was my first crush, and Michael J. Fox was one of my favorite guest stars on Scrubs (and yes, those two episodes of Scrubs make me cry every time... when Dr. Casey can't leave the hospital because he can't stop washing his hands... and the Epiphany Toilet on the roof... could I go potty on a roof? I don't think I could).

But Michael also makes the list because I'd love to hear about his experiences in Hollywood and living with a debilitating disease.

Guest #3: James McAvoy

Why? I've always referred to James McAvoy as my "weird guy crush." He's not strikingly handsome, but in the movie Becoming Jane, there's a part where he dances with Anne Hathaway, and he gives her this look.

And well... pretty much I just want him to sit at my dinner table and give me that look. He doesn't need to say anything unless he really wants to.

Guest #4: Hugh Jackman

Why? Do I really need to explain? C'mon. It's Hugh Jackman. He's charming, he's handsome, and he's Australian. He can come to my dinner party and say anything he wants.

Guest #5: Amy Poehler

Why? Someone needs to represent funny, successful women at my dinner party, and Amy Poehler is my first choice. Plus, I need to ask her if she'll play me in the movie about my life.

(I'm worried that if she says no, I'll be played by Jennifer Coolidge. Why do I have this fear? I don't know. But I feel that my casting requests need to be made known. Realistically, I will be super old when my movie is made, and a much younger person will need to play me, so I should be looking at the up and coming ten-year-old actresses and not someone who is 13 years older than me).

Anyway, Amy Poehler can be pretty crude, but she also has the capacity to be profound. I think we could have a great chat.

Guest #6: Lin Manuel Miranda

Why? My reasons for inviting Lin might seem weird, but I am being perfectly honest when I say this...

I am paranoid that I will have to compete in a rap battle someday, and I?

Have no rap battle skills whatsoever. I fear the day that I am standing in front of 100 people - or even five people - and expected to rap on the fly.

I am simply hoping that Lin's talent will rub off on me when I ask him to pass the salt. 

IT COULD HAPPEN!

Aside from that, I would love to talk to him about his creative process. In Hamilton's America, Miranda expressed how he read Chernow's Hamilton biography while he was on vacation, and the people in the book reached into his soul and, well... started rapping to him. Even though no historical figures have rapped to me, hearing Miranda describe the experience of how he became inspired to write Hamilton the Musical felt familiar. I have experienced smaller scale inspiration in my life. This needs to be discussed over appetizers. 

Guest #7: Matt Damon

Why? We have a running family joke about Matt Damon. I won't get into the details (you had to be there), but Matt makes appearances in all of our family vacation slideshows. Also, his birthday is written on my calendar (it's on Sunday. Note to self: make cake for Matt Damon's birthday). All of this constitutes an invitation to my dinner party, but most importantly, I need to ask him if he was in Disneyland the first week of April in 2014. This information would clear up some things. 

Guest #8: Keanu Reeves

Why? When I was in high school, I went through what I now refer to as my "Keanu Reeves Phase." I don't know where it came from, but it must have been a combination of The Matrix, Sweet November, and Hardball. I had a Keanu poster on my wall, and I carried around a Bill and Ted sticker (I still have it). 

Keanu is a welcome guest at my dinner party not only because he is a former crush but also because I'd love to hear about what he has been through in life. 

Guest #9: Hillary Clinton

Why? Honestly, I've never known what to make of Hillary Clinton. She is a woman of power and leadership, but at the same time, I don't know her "truth." I want to sit down with her in a comfortable place and see who she really is. Strip away the politics. Who is this woman in her genuine form? What are her fears? Her insecurities? What would she binge watch on Netflix? Would she win me in a rap battle?

Side note: I wrote this post about two weeks ago, and then Hillary Clinton was on Fallon last night... with Miley Cyrus. I feel like my dinner party guests are hanging out without me.

Guest #10: Gordon Ramsay

Why? Mostly because I want to serve him my cooking and see if he forces it down and tries to be polite or if he would insult my very core.