A Few Thoughts About Summer

Summer's not my favorite. I've probably made that very clear since I write at least one whiney post about it each year. For me, surviving summer is the equivalent of Running Wild with Bear Grylls...

...except it's Running Wild with Four Kids

...so clearly Bear Grylls isn't here to help me get by.

I've actually never watched Running Wild with Bear Grylls, so maybe it's not like that at all, but I have seen Bear Grylls skin something mountain goat-ish and sleep inside its carcass, so yeah. My summer is pretty much like that. It's all about desperate efforts to survive.

I have a theory about the moms who love summer break. I think their kids sleep in. Is there anyone here whose kids wake up at 6:00 a.m. who loves summer break? Is there anyone here who has done four hours of parenting by 10:00 a.m. who posts a countdown to summer break on their facebook page?

If you don't count the weekend or the holiday, we are only on our third official day of summer vacation.

Thus far, Eva is the most injured child. She fell at the park and got a bloody nose. Then she fell at the park again, a few days later, and scraped up her face and got a fat lip. She also skinned her knees and her toes.

We've already used two bottles of sunscreen (I used to try and save money by using the rub-on kind, but now I splurge on the spray because I can get it on my kids while chasing them).

I've already had to establish some firm Summer Rules:

Rule #1: Don't ask me for popsicles before 10:00 a.m.

I originally aimed for 1:00 p.m. but I had to amend that rule because I need to be able to shove something cold and sweet in my kids' faces earlier than that.

Rule #2: Don't be psycho.

This rule leaves a lot of room for interpretation, but I have found myself repeating it to my kids in various circumstances:

• When Nicky is kicking the wall because he's bored
• When Zoe is thrashing around on the floor screaming because her arm is stuck in her nightgown
• When Daisy tells me three times every day that she thinks she has broken a bone
• When Eva is clawing my face with her nails of death for no other reason than she is two, and that's what two-year-olds do

Rule #3: We are reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone as a family whether you like it or not, so sit down and be quiet.

That one is pretty much self-explanatory, but it has been difficult since I am sick and hardly have a voice. It disrupts the excellence of my Dumbledore impression, but I'll be healthy again someday, and my raspy Dumbledore voice will be back with a vengeance. Wait... I guess my Dumbledore voice is perfect right now. My Hagrid and my Mr. Dursley need some help, though.

Rule #4: You have to have clothes on if you are outside.

We've been having a naked problem lately.

I'm sure there will be many more Summer Rules implemented before the end of the season.

Summer break is not for the weak!

And I'm kind of weak, so I guess summer break isn't for me.

(Seriously, moms! How do you do it?)