So Long, Farewell

A few weeks ago, we bid farewell to our cat of 12 years, Colonel Sherman T. Potter.

I adopted Colonel from the Humane Society when he was about a year old. I chose him because he reached through the gate of the kennel and tapped me on the shoulder while I had my back to him. When I took him out of the kennel to "meet" him, he burrowed his head against me. There was no way I could leave the shelter without him. He was mine.

I didn't have any children, and I was experiencing a bout of infertility at the time, so the Colonel quickly became "my living thing." I took him on trips to the cabin. I taught him to play fetch. He slept on my pillow (I didn't encourage this, but I quickly learned that he was a very affectionate and cuddly cat, and I was never going to be able to banish him at night). He followed me around the house and nuzzled my calves every time I went to the bathroom (awkward!)

For a long time, he was my baby. Then I had Nicky, and I wasn't sure how Colonel would respond. I didn't think he'd like sharing the attention, but Colonel and Nicky adored each other.

Colonel was so patient with Nicky, and for the rest of his time with us, he was primarily Nicky's cat. They were best buddies for almost nine years.

Colonel's health hadn't been the greatest over the past two years, and a few weeks ago, he started urinating blood throughout the house, and within a few hours of the first trace of blood in his urine, things went downhill fast. 

 

I fought a huge moral dilemma for 24 hours. I called the Humane Society and asked them a million questions. Finally, I made a decision to have him put to sleep. I felt extremely guilty, and I went back on my choice a few times, but then I called the Humane Society one more time, and that solidified things. Unfortunately, Nicky overheard some of the conversation before I was able to talk to him about it. When I got off the phone, Nicky was hiding downstairs crying. I went and found him, and we had a nice long talk about what was going on with the cat. I told him that we should try and give Colonel the best last day we could.

Nicky went and found Colonel upstairs, and called him to follow. Watching that dang cat following Nicky around the house during his final hours broke my heart!

Nicky spent a lot of time petting the cat. I brushed him and told him what a good cat he'd been (he really was so so good).

When Scotty came home from work, we said our final good-bye to Colonel, and I took the kids for an outing so Scotty could take Colonel in to be put to sleep. Scotty acted so tough about the whole thing, but when he got home, Nicky and Daisy greeted him with sniffles and red eyes. That broke him.

When Scotty took him to the Humane Society and reported Colonel's health situation to them, they told him that Colonel likely would have needed surgery but wouldn't have survived it. That helped ease my guilt a little bit.

It was weird coming home to an empty house. We only lived in our house for about two months before we adopted Colonel, so we've never really been there without him. This is the first time I've been solely responsible for an animal's life. I had pets come and go in my growing years, but when they passed, it was my parents who took care of all the details. It was a huge, new responsibility for Scotty and me.

We're still going through that phase where we forget he's gone. We hear noises and think it's him. We think he's on our bed, and we see things out of the corner of our eyes that turn out to not be the cat. Colonel was an amazing pet - patient with our children and friendly to our guests. He will definitely be missed! 

Bon voyage, Colonel!

On this, the first day of Kindergarten

Today was Daisy's first day of kindergarten. I've waited for this day for a long time! It's not that I don't enjoy having Daisy at home; she's just the type of child that thrives when she's away from me. She's not a mama's girl at all! She loves independence and needs to be set free.

Daisy has a September birthday, so she barely missed the deadline to start last year. Waiting that extra year to go to school was brutal, although she loved being the oldest child in her preschool.

I really didn't have any qualms about sending Daisy to the school this morning. I knew she'd be fine. Our school does a "clap-in" for the kindergartners. The older students line the hallways and clap and cheer while the kindergartners enter the school. This would have absolutely broken Nicky on his first day of school (he went to a different school for kindergarten and didn't experience this), but Daisy had no problem. As soon as she walked in the school, she acted like she couldn't see all the students cheering (play it cool, Dais, play it cool!), but she started strutting.

There were a few things that were different in our house while Daisy was gone today:

1. I could listen to music.

I can't listen to music when Daisy is home because she wants to control the radio. If I want to listen to a song, and she didn't have the honor of choosing the song, she will scream and yell and call us stupid to the point where we just turn the music off because we can't enjoy it over the sound of her. She does the same thing with movies, TV shows, and audio books. This battle isn't worth fighting. I've given it an honest shot.

2. Zoe's tantrums were decreased by half.

Without Daisy to fight with, Zoe chilled out a lot. Our day wasn't tantrum-free, by any means, but Zoe was able to have some time to herself. We often joke that Zoe was meant to be an only child because she is a completely different person without her siblings. In truth, she's probably only that way when she's alone because she has siblings.

Zoe spent the day playing quietly with toys, doing puzzles, roaming around the back yard, and wiping off the kitchen chairs (Zoe is a good helper when she wants to be).

3. I only had to load two kids in the car.

When we left the house mid-morning, and I only had half my kids, it was sure a weird feeling. I kept looking around to make sure I wasn't missing anyone. Even though Daisy can get in the car and buckle herself in (which should be very little work for me), she is the child we are always waiting on. She just can't get out the door. She's always looking for something or camped out on the toilet. Then when she gets into the car, she realizes she forgot "something important," and she will leave the car while I'm buckling the babies in and run into the house.

When I picked up Daisy from school and asked about her day, she said, "Kindergarten is too long." Poor girl. Three whole hours! Then she said she was mad because she didn't get any homework. She told me that recess is okay, but the playground is too small and all it has are dumb slides (I agree - our school is the coolest school in the state with the lamest playground). Then she told me she's never going back.

Behind all that sass, though, I know she is going to do great in kindergarten.

Implementing a Family Council

I recently wrote about how we have family councils on Sunday nights. We used to include "family council-ish" stuff in our Family Home Evenings on Monday nights, but after studying the council process more thoroughly, we decided to separate the two to make each event more purposeful.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the term "family council" is thrown around here and there, but the concept, as a whole, is a little bit vague. Elder Ballard said, "Whenever there are two or more members of family together and a discussion is going on, that is a council." That definition, while true, is a little bit broad. There are other quotes by authorities that suggest that councils should be more formal than just a discussion between two or more people, for instance, President Ezra Taft Benson said, "By encouraging parents to hold family councils, we imitate in our homes a heavenly pattern." (Ensign, May 1979). That quote tells me two things:

1. We are encouraged to hold family councils.

2. Those councils should follow some sort of pattern.

As we have worked on our own family councils, I have turned to two main sources for guidance. The first is Counseling with our Counsels by Elder M. Russell Ballard. This book is commonly implemented in the councils of the Church. It is a great resource for ward councils and presidencies. It, obviously, takes a religious approach to councils.

The other source is the book Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, Ed. D. This is a non-religious resource, and in this book, a family council is called a "family meeting."

 

It's important to note that family councils do not have to be religious. As an LDS family, our meetings naturally take on some spirituality, but family councils can be implemented in ways that are not religious as well. So as you read on, just know that much of the information I present will be on the religious approach to family councils, but you can easily adapt your councils to not be religious.

Since President Benson suggested that family councils are based a "heavenly pattern," one of the best ways to see what that heavenly pattern might be is to look at the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve. In Counseling with our Councils, Ballard outlined what a council looks like for this group of 15 Church leaders:

They meet somewhere sacred. Their sacred place is the temple. A family council generally takes place in a home, which can (and should) also be a sacred place. Dr. Nelsen recommends havig family meetings at the kitchen table to help keep everyone on task.

They meet regularly. It's important to be consistent and to set aside a day and time. This prevents councils from being rushed or pushed aside for other things. Positive Discipline recommends once a week, and that is what my family currently does, but I think they can just as easily be held once a month, if that works better for your circumstances.

They express love for one another. They shake hands or hug, ask about each other's wives and families, and show a genuine interest in one another's well-being. Positive Discipline suggests taking time to do "compliments" or "gratitudes." Each member of the family takes a turn complimenting other members of the family or saying something they are grateful for.

They open with a prayer. This is a great way to get everyone focused and on track. It also invites the Spirit and sets the tone for unity.

They work from an agenda. The agenda is most often given to everyone early so they have time to study the topics and come prepared with their input. Family meetings in Positive Discipline are also based on an agenda. The agenda is formed throughout the week as the family identifies things they need to discuss together (usually added to a list on the fridge throughout the week).

They take turns speaking. This is an obvious factor in any successful meeting. Positive Discipline recommends using a "talking stick." We don't use a talking stick in my family, but it is important to make sure that everyone's input is given and considered, so there might come a day when we need a talking stick (I'm hoping not, though. I don't want to keep track of a stick).

They close with a prayer.

And last of all...

They have refreshments. The act of "breaking bread" together is an ancient tradition of showing hospitality and protection to a guest. It symbolizes a commitment to each other. How very appropriate for a family council!

I think these are wonderful elements to consider when developing your own family council, however, every family has different needs, so no council should be expected to look the same from family to family.

I have found that counseling together as a family is a learned process. We have successes and failures. My kids are still quite young, so sometimes having a council feels completely pointless. Actually, most times, having a council feels completely pointless - there is so much chaos involved - but I feel like there is great value in developing this process while the kids are young. Someday their problems are going to go far beyond the inability to fold and put away their own underwear, and I hope that when that day comes, we'll have established a pattern of communication and trust that will aid us in tackling those greater challenges.

One of the main purposes of a council is to make decisions. Elder Ballard said, "It has never been God's intention that His children should stand alone in important decisions and responsibilities." In family councils, families can discuss things such as discipline, money, and solutions to problems. A family council is also a great place to talk about goals. One of the most important things we do in our family councils is go over the calendar for the week. This is of great importance to Nicky who wants to know what's going on every minute of every day.

Implementing a family council can seem daunting, especially if you have older children, but there are some great incentives for giving it a try. According to Jane Nelsen, the author of Positive Discipline, family meetings help develop life skills such as listening, cooperation, mutual respect, and brainstorming (read more here). One of my personal reasons for having family councils is because making decisions as a family promotes greater family resilience (more on that to come).

Here is some additional information about family councils (or family meetings) that can help you develop your own pattern of family decision making:

Religious Resources
"Support Your Local Family Council" by Rex W. Allred
"Today's Family: Blessings Come through Family Councils"
Mormon Channel: Family Councils Part I
Mormon Channel: Family Councils Part II

Non-Religious Resources
"10 Tips for Holding a Family Meeting" by Barton Goldsmith, Ph. D
"Family Meetings" by Dr. Jane Nelsen

I'm post-poning my bed time so I can have some time to myself {and ten other random facts}

Fact #1: For the past few weeks I've been really overwhelmed. Oh, how I hate admitting when I'm overwhelmed. I really like that image of "handling it all," but I have a confession: not handling.

I blame school. My school (had to clarify since Nicky started school today). Throughout my entire day, there is this nagging reminder running through my head, "You need to do your homework. Why aren't you doing your homework? Don't forget you have homework!" and it's like a rash that won't go away.

On Saturday, I needed to finish up three assignments, and I honestly, sincerely forgot to do them. I realized my error on Sunday morning, but there was nothing I could do. My instructor doesn't accept late work.

Fact #2: In part, I was disappointed in myself. I'm a 3.9-er. I don't do 4.0's because I'm rebellious - I have to slack somewhere. In other ways, I feel like I was set free. I missed some assignments! Take that, school! You don't own me! But, ohmygoodness, I have an A- now. I'm not sure if I'm okay with that, even when I'm a 3.9-er. I kind of like my 3.9's to be on purpose, and this was totally an accident!

Fact #3: The last three days of my life have been very similar to the No Good Very Bad Day I posted about last week. I haven't had a chance to come up for air. Today, especially, was insane. I won't bore you with all the details, but just to give you an idea, know this: I had to reset Zoe's elbow twice in Walmart today. Twice!!!

Fact #4: Nicky is getting glasses.

Yesterday I had to take him to pick out frames, and I had no clue what I was doing. His head was too big for the kids' frames, so we had to get "man glasses." He picked out a Napoleon Dynamite pair, but I quickly shot that down. If he had his choice, Nicky would get prescription lenses put in a pair of safety goggles (he wears safety goggles more than one might expect - one of his many weird obsessions).

I realized how little I know about eye wear. I had reading glasses in high school and junior college, but I never really came to know the "eye culture." I also know nothing about fashion or current trends, so I had no idea what to look for in a pair of glasses for Nicky. His head is big and round. I'm sure there are some glasses that look better on hamburger heads than others. I'm also sure that there are glasses that are currently "cool" and they are probably not the same glasses that were cool when I was in school. The entire experience was like being in a foreign land. It's always sad when I have to turn to my son and say, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to guide you through this new experience. How 'bout these blue ones?"

Fact #5: We went with the blue pair because they were big enough for Nicky's large noggin, but they didn't make him look like a shrunken businessman.

Fact #6: I don't have time to write ten facts like I normally do, so I'm going to start skipping numbers and see if anyone notices.

Fact #8: Today at Walmart (see fact #3), I got into one of those annoying patterns of passing the same woman from the opposite direction in every aisle. She happened to have three children sitting in her shopping cart. Not a single one of them was screaming or dangling off the side. Meanwhile, I was pushing my cart of food with one hand and holding a wailing toddler under the other arm like a giant, possessed football with limbs.

Where do these people get these children that just sit in carts?

No, really!

Are they mail-ordered, or what?

You can bet that after I passed that woman for the third time, I skipped ahead three aisles to get away from her. Something was clearly wrong with her children.

Fact #10: Must... sleep...

Observations from Nine Children

On Saturday night we hosted a sleepover with my kids and their cousins. The event was originally supposed to include two cousins, but it turned into five. Things went pretty smoothly, for the most part. On Sunday morning, Scotty had church meetings starting at 7:00. That's the part I forgot about until late Saturday night when I had a kind of, "Oh!" moment. That left me to feed nine* kids breakfast, and get six of them ready for church by myself (three of them were being picked up by their mom at 9:30).

We had a lot of fun, and somehow I managed to get everyone fed, bathed, and dressed except for Eva, whom Scotty bathed and dressed. During the several hours I was responsible for nine children, I observed the following:

1. Meals for nine children are best served outside. Especially when the meals include rice.

2. Labeled cups are a must.

3. My family room isn't big enough. One kid was practically in the hall, and I'm pretty sure at least one kid ended up under the couch at some point... and there were only seven in there.

 

4. Diapers multiply very quickly when you have five kids in the house that need nighttime support.

5. When half the kids are night owls and half the kids are early birds, no one gets any sleep.

We had a great time having the cousins over. We forced the kids to play outside until dark. Our neighbor was having a huge party with a live band, so we acted like it was our party and our band while we hung out in the backyard. We had Hawaiian haystacks for dinner and sundaes for dessert. Grandma and Grandpa made an appearance to say hello (it was kind of like when Santa shows up at a Christmas party).

When we came inside, the girls took baths and had their hair brushed. The boys got to sleep in their own filth and shower in the morning. We watched a movie and only two kids fell asleep. At midnight we bid them goodnight and turned off the lights.

In the morning, they started stirring at 7:30. The earliest risers went outside to play for a while. I made two 9x13 German pancakes, which they downed within minutes. There were strange arguments over milk ("I'm only allowed to drink milk with a yellow lid"), and hopefully, at some point, teeth were brushed, but I'm not really sure.

At 9:30, three kids went home, and the rest of us set out for church at 10:35 with minimal crankiness. Frankly, I was impressed.


*Ages 8, 8, 7, 6, 5, 5, 3, 2, and 4 months.

The No Good Very Bad Day

On Wednesday night I went to bed feeling so blessed. I'd had several uplifting experiences during the 72 hours leading up to that bedtime, so I was full of gratitude and love.

When I woke up Thursday morning, the feelings of the night before were quickly chased away. The day started with a cancellation text.

I had plans with a friend for Thursday morning that had already been rescheduled from the week prior. My kids had been so patient putting off our plans for a week, and when things fell through again, they were devastated. I told them to never fear! We were still going to go through with our plans, but we would find someone else to go with us.

Well, that didn't happen. No one could come with us. Apparently people in my social circle don't just sit around waiting to be invited to do things. Oh, the pain of rejection!

We were going to a splash pad, and I tried to brainwash my kids into enjoying going with "just us." We can have fun as a family, right? We don't need to rely on friends for entertainment (except that it's August, so we totally do!)

I worked really hard to get everyone ready. This, of course, meant I had to feed people. The baby was crying and needed to eat, so I grabbed a box of cereal, some bowls, and the milk and told my older kids to have at it. Then I made a bottle and settled on the couch to feed Eva.

Daisy was dawdling (a norm for her - I will spend the rest of my life waiting for Daisy), so by the time she went to the table, the cereal was all gone. I got her a new box of cereal, which she brought into the living room (who knows why) and spilled all over the floor. Then she refused to clean it up.

I haven't yet figured out a form of discipline that's effective on Daisy, but my current non-effective strategy for when she refuses to clean up a mess is that I give her a choice, "You can clean up the mess, or I will clean up the mess while you sit on your bed." She wouldn't choose either and just laid on the floor screaming at me, "You're the stupidest mommy ever! I hate you!" so I end up having to pick her up and take her to her bed. The problem with this (in addition to interrupting my feeding the baby, resulting in a crying baby) is that I hurt my back a few weeks ago, and for the life of me, it will not heal. So by 7:30 in the morning, my back was out of commission, and I had two screaming children.

When I settled back on the couch with the baby after cleaning up the Cheerios (aggravating my back even more), Zoe came into the room babbling about putting her swimming suit on. She had her suit and swim diaper in hand, and I told her, "Let me finish feeding Eva, and then we'll get your swimming suit on." She started throwing a tantrum because... two-year-old... and then whipped her diaper off so she could start putting her swimming suit on. To my dismay, a chunk-a-poo came flying out of her diaper, landing on the living room floor. Nicky found this hilarious and repeatedly informed me, "There's poo on the floor! There's poo on the floor!" So by 8:00 a.m. I'd already cleaned Cheerios and poo out of my living room carpet.

After the series of living room incidents, I started getting everything ready to go. I packed a diaper bag, got the baby dressed, helped everyone into their swimming suits, and gathered the towels.

(Mind you, this took hours).

We decided the plan would be to squeeze in a trip to the library, then stop at Cafe Rio to grab some lunch to take to the splash pad, then go to the splash pad.

While I was loading everything in the van, Zoe took off up the street. I had to drop everything and run after her (my back!), and when I got to her (three houses up the street), I practically had to tackle her (my back!), and drag her (and the scooter she escaped on) back home kicking and screaming (my back!). Then I had to strap her in her car seat while she did that stiff-as-a-board thing (while screaming) (my back!). As we pulled out of the driveway, it was clear that Zoe wasn't going to calm down any time soon, so I had to cancel the library stop.

Just to make things more exciting, the gas light came on, so I drove straight to the gas station. While pumping gas, I noticed it was a bit windy, and I realized that I didn't bring the stakes for the canopy. Since there isn't an ounce of shade at the splash pad we were going to, the canopy was crucial for Eva's comfort, so I drove back home to find the stakes. I'd last seen the stakes in a backpack that we usually take on outings, but when I got home, they weren't there. At this point, I lost it for a minute and started crying in my garage.

I tried to think of other options for keeping the canopy stable, but I had nothing. I did that frantic thing where you go, "Please, please, please!" while pacing back and forth. I was about to tell the kids we couldn't go, but I decided to check one last place. I found the stakes in a basket on our kitchen counter (which makes perfect sense) and then I did that thing where you go, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" as I ran back to the van.

We took off for the second time and headed straight to Cafe Rio. Surely everything would be alright as soon as we had Cafe Rio in our hands, plus I'd had the good sense to do my order online so it would be ready for me when I got there! I had a $2 off coupon, and at a red light, I checked my wallet to make sure I'd remembered the coupon. I did. But that's when I realized the coupon for was $2 off a salad or burrito, neither of which I ordered. Then I realized I made a mistake on my order and didn't request a flour tortilla for my tostada. I was bummed, but there would still be Cafe Rio, so I knew I'd be okay!

I got to Cafe Rio five minutes before my order time (and Cafe Rio is never early!) so I hung out in the parking for a while to waste time. My kids were sooooo bored! and they started giving me ultimatums involving cupcakes (apparently if I took them to the cupcake shop, they would be good for the entire day. Really? It's as easy as that? All I have to do is buy them cupcakes, and all of their behavior problems - the fighting, the lying, the arguing, the pure defiance - will just magically go away? Sign me up for a cupcake subscription, then!)

When the time arrived, I ran into Cafe Rio and paid for my order. Then Cashier Girl was like, "Um. We don't have black beans or rice." Then she just stared at me as if this was my problem to solve. This is one thing that drives me crazy about food establishments. They are incapable of offering a solutions. So I started to prod because, clearly, this girl needed my help, "How long until you have more? Do you have pinto beans?" It turned out, they weren't actually out of rice (I just had to ask them a million questions to get them to realize this), so I simply swapped my black beans for pinto beans and waited patiently for them to make my (now very late) food.

After I got the food, we drove to the splash pad. I had a moment of panic because no one was there, and I couldn't see any water activity from the parking lot. It would have been perfectly fitting that the splash pad would be dry that day, so I sent Nicky to scope it out. Thankfully, there was water, so I started unloading the van - the canopy, the camp chair, the beach blanket, the towels, the diaper bag, the baby in her car seat, the bag of drinks, the bag of food, and the wagon to pull it all in (my back!)

I dragged it all out onto the grass and started setting up the canopy. To put it lightly, our canopy is a piece of crap. Nicky was trying to help me get all of the legs extended when one of the legs fell off. The little metal popping thing that holds it in place when it expands was too big to lock into the hole that holds it in place, and that really annoyed me because, having used it many times before, there was obviously some form of witchcraft involved that made the hole too small. I was stuck there with a three-legged canopy after all the other stuff that had gone wrong all morning, and I about lost it. I was mad, and I wanted to stamp my foot and yell, kind of how my kids do when they're mad, but I remembered that I'm supposed to be a sensible adult who models rational behavior in front of my kids. I took a deep breath, and I thought, I control my reaction. I can change how I feel.

I tried to walk myself through some sloppy cognitive behavioral therapy - change your thoughts, change your behavior, Britt. You don't have to feel this way.

And then I realized, I wanted to be mad. Even though the little things individually weren't a big deal, the pile-up sucked. If I were to just not be mad, I would be letting fate walk all over me! Gosh darnnit! And I wanted to stay mad so I could blame my two-year-old's tantrums, the great black bean drought of 2015, and that stupid canopy for any mistakes or poor choices I made that day. If I were to just "change my thoughts," I'd be Job, and I'm no Job!

But then I got rational again. I took a deep breath, jimmy-rigged that piece-a-junk canopy leg, and parked myself in a camp chair with a Vanilla Coke and a tostada from Cafe Rio. I decided that was the end of the suckage. It wasn't, but I survived, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know that I really do control how I think and how I act in every situation. I don't get to blame Cafe Rio employees or faulty canopies. I don't even get to blame poo on the floor. It's all up to me, and sometimes I don't like that responsibility.

Currently {August 2015 Edition}

Reading: something I'm a little embarrassed to admit. Be curious.

Watching: The Gilmore Girls when I'm alone. White Collar when I'm with Scotty. I also have two movies checked out from the library that I need to watch this weekend: The World's Fastest Indian and The Adjustment Bureau (both of which I have seen before and have been wanting to watch again. It's just unfortunate that they both came in at the same time). 

Procrastinating: nothing. That's strange. I can't think of anything, and yet, I'm sure there are 1,000 things I'm putting off. 

Craving: something custard-y. An eclair would suffice. Or ten.

Dreading: the unpleasantness of an individual that I must face soon. Be curious.

Wearing: cut off stretchy pants and a Ragnar shirt (AKA: the same clothes I wore yesterday).

Needing: to pay a visit to my stylist. I am, as always, sporting several inches of split ends and dark roots. 

Suffering from: end-of-summer fatigue. I'm ready for a change in weather... a change in schedule... just some sort of change.

Thankful for:  Netflix. I put off getting Netflix for years because I knew I'd become fast addicted. Hi, I'm Brittany, and I'm now officially addicted to Netflix.

Enjoying: Netflix.

Proud of myself for: going five days without watching an episode of The Gilmore Girls. 

Frustrated by: some choices Rory is making.

Looking forward to: being able to go to the store with fewer children when school starts (though the worst one to take in public is Zoe, and she's not going to school, so...)

Wishing: that I had "cartable" children (that's my term for "children who willingly sit in grocery carts").

Splurging on:  new church pants for Nicky. He just got new pants a few months ago, and then there was a Silly Putty incident. I googled "how to get Silly Putty out of clothes" and I gave it about two minutes of my time before I decided I was just going to buy the kid a new pair of pants. 

Loving: fresh chicken eggs daily. 

Hoping to: clean and organize my basement soon.

Worried about: my body. It's getting worn out.