The Selfish Girl's Guide to Mothers' Day AND Wedding Anniversary

Let's say that next week is Mothers' Day and your anniversary, and let's say that your wife is me. Also, let's say that you are Scotty and that your wife (who, again, is me) thinks you probably haven't even thought about a gift for either of these occasions. And let's say that, even though your wife wants to be low maintenance, and wishes she would be happy with no gift or effort from you on these holidays, deep down, she really wants you to do something. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it's nice to be thought of.

If all of those things were true, then you might need a few suggestions on something to give your wife for these two occasions.

How about some lip gloss from Bath and Body Works? Remember how your wife used to always have lip gloss with her? She would probably still like to have lip gloss with her. It just doesn't happen because she has three daughters, and she can't take them to a store with lip glosses and lotions or they'll A) trash the store or B) convince her to buy them all the things.

{Via}

You could always buy a new doormat for your front porch. Have you noticed that the one that's there now is really worn out, and instead of saying "Welcome," it says, "W?"

Door mat rules: no flip-flops, palm trees, or "beachy" things. Also, no dog-themes (i.e. "Wipe your paws!") Your wife does not live near a beach, and she does not have a dog, nor should you insinuate that your guests are animals. If you're not sure where you might find a suitable door mat, your wife might recommend Target, ShopKo, or Ross.

{Via}

And remember how her cutting board split in half a few months ago? She probably wouldn't mind a new cutting board. It doesn't even need to be fancy. Just dishwasher safe!

{Via}

Speaking of kitchen supplies, remember the other day when your wife said she'd really like some new kitchen shears?

{Via}

She could also use a new bathrobe. It needs to be terry cloth (like a towel) and in the size 8-10 range. Yes, I just posted her size for all the internets to see, but if it results in an awesome new bathrobe, there is nothing to be ashamed of!

And if you're in a spendy mood (which, if you are Scotty, you are probably not... but just in case...) your wife probably wouldn't complain in your bought her Luke Bryan tickets (on sale today at 10:00), a family pass to the fitness center, or a new iPod.

Last, but not least, your wife would benefit greatly from a bottle of jDawgs sauce. Since no one has taken her to jDawgs since last summer, she definitely deserves the sauce.