The Crazy

I'm really stressed out, and we all know that the best way to handle stress is to ignore it and do things that are completely unrelated to the tasks that are causing the stress. Hence, the increase in blog posts lately.

I won't bore you with the descriptive list of what is causing my stress, but I will tell you these three facts:

1. Zoe is still quite sick with RSV.
2. I have finals this week.
3. I can feel The Crazy looming.

What is The Crazy, you ask?

It's that state of mental distress that may or may not occur after giving birth. I've experienced a wide range of The Crazy - some births have been better than others, but usually, I don't realize how bad The Crazy is until I start coming out of it. Then I look back and think, "Wow! Didn't anyone notice how disturbed I was?"

Maybe they did notice. but it's not like you can tell a post-partum woman that she's nuts.

I speak with humor on this topic, but it's a pretty serious and scary thing, The Crazy.

I'm hoping that this sensation of a dark cloud following me is just my fear of The Crazy, and not actually The Crazy. Regardless, I am starting to feel a little control-freakish and territorial. I have a hard time with the elements of childbirth that I can't control. I also have a hard time setting aside the parts of my life that I need to set aside when I have a baby. Part of this is because I have control freak tendencies, but part of it is because it's too hard to go back after I've had a break. I worry that if my routine changes, even for a short while, I'll never have the motivation to return to it. This is why I refuse to take any time off school even though the new semester starts on my due date.

{38 Weeks + Easter Dinner}

I guess you, as a reader, will have something to look forward to. Feel free to dissect my future posts and see if you can detect The Crazy. 

(Or maybe it's already there?)