Contemplating Holland

The other day while I was waiting for a friend, I perused facebook for a moment and saw this article about Elder Holland.

For those of you might be unfamiliar with him, Jeffrey R. Holland is an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Our Church has twelve apostles, just like Christ's Church did when He lived on this earth. Elder Holland is one of my favorites (here is one of my favorite talks he has given).

I read the article, and I liked what it had to say. It talked about the writer's personal experience in crossing paths with Elder Holland. I have never met Elder Holland, nor any apostle for that matter, but I have been thinking about Elder Holland a lot lately because of something I learned in school this semester.

 I took a marriage class, and one of the books I had to read was The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman (highly recommended - hopefully someday I'll be able to write a post about it).

One of the best things I gleaned from this book came from this paragraph:

"Human nature dictates that it is virtually impossible to accept advice from someone unless you feel that that person understands you... people can change only if they feel that they are basically liked and accepted as they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, and unappreciated they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege and dig in to protect themselves" (page 149).

Many of the things I learned from this book, I try to apply not only to the marriage relationship, but to all relationships. When I read that paragraph, I thought, "Yes! This is it!" It explained something I have felt and experienced but could never really identify or put into words.

One of the best places I think this teaching can be put into practice (besides in marriage) is in the way we interact in the Church. We've all heard a talk in sacrament meeting or sat through a lesson where we have felt criticized or judged by the presenter. I believe this is mostly done in innocence and should be forgiven. After all, our own biases and perceptions are often to blame, but it's always easier to place blame on the person delivering the message. I have witnessed some pretty heavy backlash at times as people have felt "under siege" and begin to "dig in to protect themselves."

One of the purposes of speaking and teaching in the Church is to help inspire one another to change - to become more like the Savior. This is accomplished primarily through the Holy Ghost, and one of the best ways to invite the Holy Ghost is to teach and speak with love. When I contemplate this manner of speaking, I think of Elder Holland. When I hear him speak, I feel loved. He brings so much emotion and compassion into his words that I can't help but feel that this man, who has never met me, loves and accepts all of God's children.

Elder Holland is the type of messenger who inspires me to be better. He makes me feel like I can change. I think he exemplifies exactly what Gottman was referring to.

I hope I can follow Elder Holland's example in my interactions and become a person who emanates acceptance and understanding of others. It is not my forte, by any means, but I think it is a valuable trait to acquire.