The Thing About Toilet Paper

I hate buying toilet paper. Of all the necessities, toilet paper is probably my least favorite. I never feel like I'm getting a good deal. There are times when I buy something like milk, and I feel really good about it because I know I got a good price. The same can be said for other things like cheese, laundry detergent, bread, and so forth.

But not so with toilet paper.

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It feels like I've been robbed EVERY.DANG.TIME.

Part of problem is that I don't know what kind of toilet paper to commit to. What do I really want in toilet paper? Quilted? Two-ply?

Do I want it to be thick? Do I use less if it's thick?

Do I want more smaller rolls or fewer big rolls?

(For replacement effort, I must want big rolls. No?)

Does the number of sheets per roll really mean anything?

There is so much information on a package of toilet paper, but none of it is actually helpful. Especially if you try to compare one package to another. It's like trying to translate two different languages, and no one is bilingual in TP.

I usually buy our TP at Sam's Club or Costco. I don't know if I'm getting a good deal, but at least I can buy a gigantic package, put it in my basement, and not have to buy toilet paper again for about a month and a half. When Charmin is discounted, I buy Charmin. You can't go wrong with Charmin because it's like wiping with rose petals.

Or can you go wrong with Charmin?

What if those cartoon bears have fooled us all?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

Have any of you figured out the toilet paper thing?