Lately...

...I have been finding so much joy and peace in studying the November Ensign, a magazine from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The November issue has all of the talks from October's General Conference of the Church. I've been waking up between 5:30-6:30 every morning and starting my day by reading a talk or two. My margins are full of notes and personal insights. I love these messages!

...I've been experiencing quite the roller coaster of emotions about school. One day I will feel completely immobilized by stress or fear, and the next day, I am bouncing off the walls and bursting with enthusiasm because I love my field of study so much. Then I remember that I have to take a very difficult statistics class in the future, and I return to feeling overwhelmed... until I geek out over an article on the history of family life education (which should bore me to no end but, instead, returns me to that wall-bouncing state of bliss).

...Zoe, who just turned two, has been sneaking things in the shopping cart whenever we go to the store. Usually I find her treasures in time to take them out of the cart before we check out, but sometimes, when the kids help load stuff on the conveyor belt, I don't see them until we get home. One week she got away with a package of sippy cups and a bag of goldfish crackers (there are always goldfish involved!) At least she was somewhat practical. We needed the sippy cups.

...I've been feeling a little anti-social in group settings. I haven't been able to convince myself to attend anything involving a group in months. No Relief Society events, no baby showers, no parties, or the like. On the rare occasion I've gone to something, I've hidden in a corner or near the food and left as soon as possible.

...I've spent a significant amount of time and money trying to satisfy my intense cravings. I don't have weird cravings, like pickles and ice cream, or any crazy combinations like that, but when I get a particular food in my mind, I can't function until I have it. For example, a few weeks ago, I needed root beer, and it needed to be on crushed ice (bonus points if I could have fries and fry sauce as well). So I drove across town to a restaurant that I knew had crushed ice only to find out that they switched machines and now have cubed ice. This, of course, caused me to be an emotional wreck for the rest of the day because A) I didn't get the "right" root beer, and B) I wasted time and money to do it.

...I've considered keeping a food diary of my cravings so I can laugh about it later.

...I've been experiencing a bit of writer's block, except I'd like to diagnose it more formally as "writer's impatience." I have plenty of things to write about, I just don't have the fortitude to form coherent sentences to say what I want to say.

...Daisy, age 5, has been waiting and waiting for snow. She looks out the window every day (even last week when it was still in the 60's) and says, "Mom! I think it's going to snow!" I wish I looked forward to snow with that same enthusiasm.

...I've been beating myself up over my character flaws. I'd already been getting down on myself about my habits and my weaknesses, and then I had to do a character strengths assessment for school, and the results really crushed my resolve. Through some prayer and communication with God, I'm starting to see myself a little more positively, and I know now that I didn't properly evaluate myself in the assessment. I'm now trying to give myself the pep talks that I would give someone else if I knew they felt like this - because I don't think anyone else should feel this way. Why should I allow myself to be an exception?