Last week at a family gathering, the discussion turned to spiders, and everyone was talking about how they hate spiders and are super, pied-ninny-style afraid of them.
I was sitting there thinking, "I'm so tough. Spiders don't scare me! Look at my big muscles!"
But I didn't say anything aloud. Because I'm humble like that.
Well, fast-forward to today (approximately 138 hours later). I was in my basement starting a load of laundry when I saw a big, old, nasty spider in the laundry pile.
Normally I just shrug and go on with my life (because I'm oh-so-brave and I have big muscles) (except, no I don't), but that thing was BULBOUS. Like, all caps BULBOUS. And it was moving in slow motion.
Do you know how scary a spider is when it's moving in slow motion? I mean, you would think a jittering race car spider would be scarier, but no. The slow motion ones are far worse because you can see all the details, and you just don't know what they're up to.
So I needed it to die, but it was on a soft surface (i.e. laundry), so I knew the odds of smashing it the first time were slim. I decided to flick it to the ground and then go at it like a tornado with teeth. BUT... I lost it (of course!!! Darn, slow-moving spider!)
I started throwing laundry around but couldn't find the BULBOUS beast, so I had a moment of panic and started dancing around like Father Abraham with a right and a left (and all the rest...)
But no spider.
I calmed myself down (obviously I'm not as brave as I thought), started the load of laundry, and went upstairs to recover.
Later that day I went back downstairs to change the laundry, and guess who I found!
The BULBOUS beast was curled up nice and dead...
...in the bottom of my washer!
Yep.
I washed the crap out of that spider.
So I did what any good wife would do. I scraped up his now-little body with a dryer sheet (why, oh why must they get so small when they die? I want credit for facing the whole dang spider!) and took him upstairs so I could take a picture and text it to Scotty.
Notice how I didn't include it in this post? YOU'RE WELCOME.
Kill ALL the bulbous spiders! Immediately! BECAUSE THEY MIGHT HAVE BABIES IN YOUR LAUNDRY!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a spider-phobe, but big bulbous ones? Destroy. Immediately. Ask questions later.
xox
Spiders at a certain size--like where I think there might be guts if I kill them--super duper heeb me out.
ReplyDeleteI really hate spiders. *Shudder* As I was finishing reading your post and you said you took a picture, my stomach seriously dropped a little and then when you didn't post it, I really was relieved. So that "your welcome" was just for me! P.S. When you said you see a little spider and usually just shrug it off, I thought..."Britt really is brave."
ReplyDelete