How I Walked Away From Mommy Guilt

If you're a mom, you know exactly what I mean when I say "Mommy Guilt." Mothers (and women in general) are very harsh critics on themselves. We compare and contrast far too much, and we too easily fall into a pattern of "beating ourselves up."

I think we sometimes believe that we are only good moms if we constantly acknowledge everything we are doing wrong. We mistakenly believe that experiencing Mom Guilt is a form of humility or self-correction. A while back, I spent a lot of time thinking about the role of Mommy Guilt in my life and the things that cause it, and I realized that Mommy Guilt has no positive effect on my parenting, so I adopted a strict No More Mommy Guilt policy.

It's always said that to give up a bad habit, one must replace that habit with something better. As I contemplated Mommy Guilt, I had to figure out what to replace it with. If not guilt, then what? What is it that can provide us with the humility and self-correction that we need as mothers?

It took me a while to figure it out, but my answer was inspiration.

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I decided that from that point forward, I would only respond to inspiration. Part of this change includes identifying when I feel guilty and when I feel inspired.

Sometimes it's obvious:

Negative emotions = guilt.

Positive emotions = inspiration.

Other times I have to choose to flip the guilt and allow myself to be inspired. This is how I've decided to respond to situations like General Conference or lessons in church. Instead of feeling bad for not living up to the things I am taught, I try to let myself be inspired and motivated by those things. If I'm not feeling inspired, I'm not ready to act yet, and I will let it go. I believe that inspiration is the better motivator, so I try to focus on what I am inspired to do rather than what I feel guilty about.

Going through this process has helped me feel more secure in my parenting. I don't worry about what other moms are doing - I just focus on what is right for me and my children. I am better at being consistent around other people because I no longer feel like I need to adapt to them or impress them. When I take interest in another mom and her lifestyle, it is because I'm inspired by her, not because I want to 'be as good as" or "live up to" her.

Relying on inspiration instead of guilt helps me to keep my priorities in check and better identify what is right for my family. Walking away from Mommy Guilt has had a very positive effect on my life - it feels great to not feel guilt.