Removed

My family has skin problems.

From my mom's side: moles.

From my dad's side: zits.

And when those two things combine, you get the cocktail that is me.

I have been waaaaay overdue for a visit to the dermatologist, and because of a strange lump on my eyelid that turned black and blue last week, I finally went. The verdict on my eyelid: I was told to go to an eye surgeon. EYE SURGEON!

Do you know what surgeons do to people?

THEY CUT THEM!

[Source]

So now I'm trying to decide if I'm brave enough to have my eyelid sliced or if I'm pansy enough to live with an ugly lump on my eyelid.

(I always lean toward pansy).

In other dermatological news, I had a skin tag removed from my armpit. You know, the one you've been having nightmares about ever since I got personal about my armpits back in Trimester Three? Yeah, that one!

I was a little nervous about having a shot of anesthetic in my armpit. I was worried as I sat upright in a chair with one arm over my head and one arm draped around myself to hold my sleeve out of the way that I would instinctively punch the nurse in the face. It ended up not being bad at all - no flinching, no punching.  I'm really excited that the skin tag is gone, but at the same time, I feel like part of me is missing. That hideous thing was there for almost ten years! Shaving my armpits will never be the same!

I kind of wish they'd let me bring it home.

I also had a wart treated. I'm kind of mad that warts are even an issue. When I was a child, I had hundreds of warts, and I was always being dragged to the doctor to have them burned off (Seriously, my hands were covered in them! You couldn't even see one of my fingernails because of the warts on both sides of it!) The treatments never worked, and after years of Wart Horror, I grew out of it, and they all went away. I feel like warts are a problem from my childhood that I should not have to revisit, so why, oh why, have I been dealing to the Great and Powerful Returning Wart for the past year?

And then there were the moles...

Let me tell you two very good reasons to avoid the dermatologist:

Boob moles and inner thigh moles.

(Like, very inner thigh).

So not only did my dermatologist see more of me than my OB/GYN typically does, I actually had to go back and point out the moles in my unmentionable areas because his very thorough exam wasn't thorough enough.

I ended up only having to have one mole removed, which sounded good to me at the time, but now I wish I would have just gotten the ones in the "bad places" removed so I never have to reveal those moles to the dermatologist again. After all, I've survived a shot and a pair of scissors to the armpit, I might as well have a shot and a scalpel taken to the boob.

Wrap that package of skin treatment with a ribbon of acne medication and prescription deodorant  and I'm good to avoid the dermatologist for another five years...

If I'm lucky...