Favorite Quotes - The Gifts of Imperfection

It's been a long time (2018) since I did a re-cap of my favorite quotes from a book. This is mostly due to my increased use in audiobooks. Audiobooks make fine companions for house cleaning and morning walks but not so much for documenting quotes I want to remember. 

For book club in April we read The Gifts of Imperfection. I've read a few Brene Brown books, and I like a lot of her ideas. Since I was already familiar with some of her research, there was a lot of overlap, but the timing for this book was perfect. After I read the book, I found myself reflecting on it frequently in regards to our current life circumstances. I feel like right now I have such a wonderful opportunity to pause and consider what elements of my previous life are worth hanging on to and which ones I need to let go of. 

Here are some of the quotes I enjoyed from The Gifts of Imprefection by Brene Brown:

On Connection

"Technology... has become a kind of imposter for connection, making us believe that we're connected when we're really not - at least not in the ways we need to be. In our technology-crazed world, we've confused being communicative with feeling connected. Just because we're plugged in, doesn't mean we feel seen and heard" (p. 20).

"One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on "going at it alone." Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we have divided the world into "those who offer help" and "those who need help." The truth is that we are both" (p. 20).

On Belonging

"...Fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are" (p. 25).

"Belonging is the innate human desire to be a part of something larger than us... true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world" (p. 26).

On Spirituality

"Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives" (p. 64)

On the Light Within

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and sine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within" (p. 74 - quoted from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross).

On Slowing Down

"We are a nation of exhausted and overstressed adults raising overstressed children. We use our spare time to desperately search for joy and meaning in our lives. We think accomplishments and acquisitions will bring joy and meaning, but that pursuit could be the very thing that's keeping us so tired and afraid to slow down" (p. 102).

The Backyard Birds

We have a couple of birdhouses in our backyard. They're nothing fancy - just some scrap wood thrown together. 

The oldest one is from Nicky's cub scouting days. It's a little decrepit, but it still does what it's supposed to. I think we've had birds in it every year since Nicky built it. We usually get multiple batches of nesters. 

Right now, it hosts black-capped chickadees, and I think they're on their way out (if they haven't left already). The babies hatched, but we couldn't see them because they've covered their nest with feathers and burrowed down inside. We could hear the babies yesterday, but today when I went outside to take this photo, I couldn't hear them. So maybe they moved on. 

The other birdhouse is a new addition. Nicky built it during the early days of quarantine. 

A mama starling ended up moving in. A European garbage bird! 

We're just going to let her be. But Scotty wants to make the hole smaller after she leaves so we don't get starlings again. 

She has five eggs that should hatch any day now!

They are so pretty! And not chocolate (as I keep having to remind myself). 

Quarantine By the Numbers

School days spent at home: 28

School days left in this year: 19

Days since my last soda: 98

Sundays at home: 7

Books finished in quarantine: 8

Books in progress: 3

Days spent "social distancing:" 47

Weeks since I've stepped foot in a store: 3

Boxes of sidewalk chalk used: 4

Home haircuts given: 0

Tanks of gas used: 1.5

Meals ordered from Cafe Rio: 4

Disneyland trips canceled: 2

Garden boxes planted: 3

Puzzled completed: 1

Board games purchased: 2

TV shows binge-watched: 0

Pandemic Palooza: Day 43

Yes. Day 43.

Can you believe we've been at this for so long?

Yesterday I realized it feels normal now. I know the phrase "new normal" has been thrown around a lot, but it hasn't really meant anything to me. How could anything about this be "normal?" But then, yesterday, it was. I've been doing this long enough that it's "normal" now. And it's been long enough that "Pandemic Palooza" (which was my phrase for what was supposed to be two-ish weeks) is just "life" now. 

Yikes!

Here are some of the things we've been doing lately:

Since we're all together all the time, we end up doing things as a family that we didn't do before. Like when we all sat around the picnic table in the rain and fried bacon. 

Last week we watched the Disney Sing-Along on ABC. 

You all know I adore Donny Osmond, right? But in the Donny Osmond drinking game I would include: 

1. Taking a shot every time he name drops (two shots for Michael Jackson)

2. Taking a shot every time he mentions that he was the singing voice of Shang in Mulan

I'm so happy Donny was able to make an appearance on the show, though. And the grandkid thing was really cute, and classically cheesy in all the Donny Osmond ways!

Last week was also very "social" as my book club had our second monthly Zoom meeting wherein we decided that if things got awkwardly silent (which happens a lot since we all worry that we'll start talking at the same time as someone else), we could just hold really still, and pretend the screen had frozen due to connectivity issues. 

The next night, I "got together" on Zoom with two of my best friends, and we spent a significant amount of time demonstrating double chin exercises and pulling faces together. 

We did our obligatory sidewalk chalk mosaics:

(Just had to let Cyndi know, since she already fulfilled this quarantine duty, and I hadn't yet). 

Last week was also Eva's birthday! 

My baby is FIVE!

To celebrate, we had big, tacky lettering put in our yard by Sign Gypsies, reading "Happy 5th Birthday, Eva!" (She loved it)! And then we invited friends and family to drive by between 5:00-6:00 pm. 

The drive-by was so much fun! 

Scotty's mom (who lives just up the street from us) drove past in all of her different vehicles and threw a different "prize" to Eva each time. It was hysterical. My mom also drove around the block repeatedly for the entire hour and gave Eva a present each time. 

Here she is with her half-gallon of milk (she's a milk junkie):

After a long period of rest, the earth started shaking again, and we had two 4.2 aftershocks. The first one was at night, and Zoe and Eva had just fallen asleep and (luckily) slept through it (otherwise they would have insisted on sleeping in our room). The second one was in the morning, and we were in the thick of school when it hit. Zoe retreated under the table immediately and didn't come out for a few hours. 

One day last week it rained pretty heavily in the morning. When I went out for my morning walk, there were worms everywhere. When the kids started getting restless and needed a break from school, we went out worm hunting. 

Zoe was our score keeper (tallying the worms). Nicky was our picker-upper. We got 65 worms before we had to go home because it was too cold. Nicky fed the worms to the chickens, and they were really excited!

We opened our 4th (or was it our 5th?) box of sidewalk chalk. 

Eva and I shampooed the couch. It's always fantastic to pour dirty couch water down the drain and think about my filthy family. 

Eva has already spilled milk and smashed cookies on the couch since then. 

We play outside constantly. I bought some 14' playground jump ropes on Amazon, and we have been jump roping a lot. Nicky and Daisy can do double dutch. Zoe has mastered jumping with a single rope. Now she's working on entering and exiting while it's turning. 

On Saturday Scotty took the training wheels off Eva's bike, and after 15 minutes, she mastered the two-wheeler!

(My kids have been horrible potty trainers, but they've made up for by being natural bike riders). 

One day the kids made a tin foil river.  

They've also made a lot of blanket forts in the front yard. Multiple times this week, they've hung out in their forts for most of the day. Our garage now hosts a big pile of blankets because the kids play with them outside daily. Yesterday Nicky made Eva and Zoe hammocks to hang on the fence. 

We had another weenie roast.

My mom brought the kids white t-shirts and puffy paint so they could paint t-shirts. 

Note that Zoe does her own hair most of the time, and she's actually pretty decent at it for her age. 

Scotty's rope obsession is as strong as ever. The other day he had all the kids attempting to climb a tree with his rope. 

Scotty has a newfound obsession with metal detecting after he and Nicky found a bunch of junk with Nicky's metal detector last weekend. In addition to the pile of blankets in my garage, I now have several bags of rusty, useless metal. The best thing they've found: 15 cents. 

For my birthday, my sister-in-law gave me a 2,000 piece Pixar puzzle. We busted it out the other night and got started. My usual puzzle comfort zone is 500-700 pieces. This is definitely the biggest puzzle I've ever done! 

It's still underway. 

Yesterday we celebrated Earth Day - which we don't usually do. I mean, I love the Earth and all, but I don't throw an annual party for it. This year it offered us a break from the repetition of the days, so I printed out some Earth Day BINGO cards and let the kids make Earth cookies. 

The days are still long, but the weeks are still fast. Time is passing, and we're doing okay. 

The Incomplete List of Things That Make Me Happy

1. Dogs with their heads sticking out of car windows. I'm not a dog person, but this is the exception. I love seeing dogs riding in vehicles with their heads hanging out of the windows. They look so happy! And I swear they are always smiling!

2. When my kids reach physical milestones. It makes me so happy to see my kids learn to clap, walk, ride a bike, cross the monkey bars, etc.

3. When Scotty makes the bed. Or changes the laundry. Or does the dishes. Basically any time I discover that Scotty has already completed a task I thought I was going to have to do, I am elated!

4. Seeing the sunrise. My days are always better if I'm outside when the sun comes up.

5. When little kids know my name. Or when they have a name for me - regardless of its accuracy. It always makes me smile when I walk into my kids' school, and kids rush up to me to say, "Hello, Mrs, Brittany!" Likewise, I love when I see kids from the primary, and they call me "Sister Brittany" (or "Mister Brittany," as one of them used to say).

6. Finding a new recipe that's a "keeper." I try a lot of recipes, and I keep very few. So I'm always delighted to find a recipe we really like.

7. Pressure washing stuff. It's a great mixture of satisfaction and aggression release. Yesterday I pressure washed several sets of blinds from our house, and  it was pretty much the greatest things I've done in my life.

8. A clean vehicle. I love when my van is freshly washed, vacuumed, and Armor-all-ed. When it happens (a very rare occurrence), I just want to spend all day driving around. 

9. Music. Need I say more?

10. When my kids help each other without being asked to. They simply melt my heart when they do this, and I think, "Wow! I'm raising good people!"

Currently {April 2020 Edition}

Reading:

Listening to: the best of Frozen. I haven't been able to listen to as much music as I'd like lately because my kids are always in the room with me with their millions of questions, and it makes me crazy to have them trying to talk over my jams. I love music and find it very healing, so it's a pretty big bummer for me right now.

Eating: all the toasted things. I love toast. And toasted bagels. And toasted English muffins. Just give me all the toasts.

Watching: Opinion Writing Lesson #4.

Normally I get to talk about movies or TV here, but not now that I'm facilitating distance learning with a first grader. We're planning on watching the Disney Singalong tonight on ABC, though.

Enjoying: not being in the van all day every day.

Buying: milk. That's the one thing I have to keep going to the store for. We used to go through a gallon a day, but we've cut back enough to make a gallon last almost two days. A few weeks ago, I went to Walmart, and they would only let me buy one gallon. At Smith's they let me buy two. Last week, I got away with three, and today I got away with four! I've just started placing a grocery pick-up order every few days so I can get milk. I haven't stepped foot in the actual store for over two weeks.

Craving: soda!! I am 87 days soda sober, and every now and then, I get some mega cravings.

Playing: nothing. I haven't played a single board game this week. Last week Scotty and I tried to learn Race for the Galaxy, and it completely fried our brains. I may need to reconsider my game-learning goals. My head can't handle it!

Wearing: a Utah hoodie and some athletic pants I got from Costco that fit me horribly, but they have awesome pockets.

Feeling: a little down, to be honest. This week has felt really heavy with the coronavirus things. I've been in a state of acceptance for most of this, and I've been able to function on hope. But this week, I'm tired of it. I don't have any energy or creativity left to keep my kids busy. I wish hibernation was an option.

There are occasional things that light a spark (or is it spark a light?) in me, though. Like yesterday we got an email from the PTA asking us to make posters and take photos for the staff of the school, and I was immediately energized. Yes! Do the appreciation things! Hooray! So that's something we will do today.

Missing: singing in a congregation. I've been okay with home church, but on Easter I realized that I miss singing as an assembly. Singing in my ward is actually quite painful (sometimes I feel like we're singing our way to our deaths or something), but I still miss it!

Laughing at: my son playing Just Dance. He plays for hours, and I laugh from joy over it.

Procrastinating: housework. I've kept up on it all week, but today, I'm letting things slide. I'm struggling with the repetitiveness of each day. I need to do something to change it up a little, but laying in bed eating chicken nuggets all day probably isn't a good alternative to the daily routine.

Looking forward to: nothing. Is there something to look forward to? I might go check the mail later, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

Grateful for: Scotty's job. I'm very thankful that we've been able to keep employment right now.

The Letter I Wouldn't Have Wanted to Read

January 1, 2020

Dear Britt,

I know you have big hopes for this year. You're wanting to take better care of yourself, you're looking forward to some vacations, and you're really excited that you're getting closer to having all of your kids in school.

Well, I have some news. Everything is about to change. Six weeks from now, there's going to be a toilet paper shortage. You're going to laugh about it and think everyone is being ridiculous because, like every other panic-inducing disease of the past, the novel coronavirus is going to blow over. It will be no big deal.

But four weeks later, things are going to start getting weirder.  You're going to attend stake conference, and there's going to be a feeling of uneasiness. People will announce that they are not shaking hands. Prayers will be said that include the word "coronavirus." There will be an unusual edginess there that you've never felt before. Someone in the back of the room will cough, and everyone's arm hairs will stand on end. You'll talk with your friends, "Do we need to be worried about this?" Everyone will say, "No, we don't need to be worried about this." But all of you will confess that you feel like you need to go home and take a bath in bleach. That will be the last time you guys hang out in person for a really long time.

Two days later, you'll go to Sam's Club. You'll luck out and snag one of the last packages of toilet paper. You're going to need it.

Truer words have never been spoken

That Wednesday, March 11, the World Health Organization will declare the novel coronavirus, COVID-19, a pandemic. On Thursday, March 12, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, your church, will announce the discontinuation of church meetings for an unspecified amount of time. On Friday the 13th, you'll learn that your school district, nay, all Utah schools, will dismiss for two weeks, but two weeks isn't going to cut it. They will eventually push the date to May 1st, and on April 14, they’ll announce that the kids aren’t going back to school this year.

You're going to be churching and schooling your kids from home. Dance lessons will be canceled. Piano lessons will be done via FaceTime. Young Men camp will be canceled. You're going to be doing Zoe's speech therapy yourself. Scotty will be working from home. His boss will say something disconcerting, "Plan on months."

Your spring break trip to the national parks will be canceled. Your husband's annual trip to Disneyland with his friends will be postponed. Disneyland will be closed.

CLOSED.

DISNEYLAND!

(The year you bought an annual pass).

Your anniversary trip in May will  be canceled. Your family vacation to Mount Rushmore will be canceled. Your calendar will basically fall off the face of the earth, but you'll continue to receive alerts for all the things you were supposed to do.

Remember all your plans for singing time in primary? And how excited you were about teaching the kids from the Book of Mormon? Most of that planning is going to go out the window. And while we're on that topic, they are going to try and release you from that calling while you're away from church. You can beg them to let you stay a while longer. They might let you, but either way, you're getting a new calling. And it will be the wrong calling. Three hours after they set you apart, you'll learn this, and they'll tell you the calling they were supposed to give you, and you'll be devastated. You'll wrestle over the "real" calling. You won't be mad at the people, but you'll be very upset about the circumstances. You'll feel lost for a while.

General Conference will be held in a small auditorium with fewer than ten people in attendance. Oh, haven't I told you? You're not going to be allowed to “gather.” You will be ordered to stay home. Most stores will close. Shopping for groceries will become one of the weirdest experiences of your life. Stickers will line the floor telling you where to stand. You'll have to remain 6' away from other people. They'll call it "social distancing." Plastic screens will go up between you and the cashiers. You might even have to wait in line to get IN the store. Your milk will be taken from you at the register at Walmart, and you’ll be told you’re not allowed to buy more than one. People will wear masks and gloves. You will witness all different levels of protection and all different levels of obedience.

Your dentist will cancel your six month check-up. Your hairstylist won't be able to work. You will have book club meetings on Zoom. You won't be able to eat in restaurants. You can't have game nights. Your kids won't be able to play with friends. You can't go see a movie. In fact, movies that were supposed to be released will be postponed or made available for streaming if you're willing to pay. Playgrounds will be closed. The Olympics will be postponed. The library will close. Your kids will be with you all the time.

You'll celebrate a few holidays, starting with Saint Patrick's Day. Then April Fools' Day. Then Easter. Then Earth Day. You'll be bored enough to celebrate Earth Day. Birthdays will pass. Eva will turn five.

The only event to look forward to for several weeks will be Garbage Day.

On top of all that, there's going to be an earthquake that will scare the living $H!t out of your family. Don't worry - everything be fine. But you'll wake up to aftershocks and phantom quakes for a while. Be grateful for what it is. There will be worse things happening all over the world.

I know this sounds completely insane, but gurl, it's going to happen. You're going to worry. You're going to have really hard days. But you'll find that you're more capable than you realize.

If it helps, go ahead and stash away some Milk Duds. You're gonna really want chocolate.

Love,

Future Britt

-----------------------------------------

I wouldn't have wanted to know. Would you?

Recent Tidbits

I hope you don't mind that I'm frequently posting about our pandemic lifestyle. It's such a blessing for me to have this personal blog as a record of my life. I know I will really enjoy having these things written down in future years. Yes, I could do this in a journal (and I do keep several personal journals), but my blog is great for inserting photos and tagging by topic.

Here are a few tidbits from the past week or so:

Tidbit #1:

We've been spending a lot of time outside. Sometimes we are out there working, sometimes we are out there playing, and sometimes we are out there just sitting.

In the evenings, we let the chickens out of their coop to wander. We have to keep them out of the garden, which is no longer fenced (partially because our fence never kept the chickens out anyway, so we took it down), so we only let them out when we can supervise them.

Nicky likes to push Sam (his oldest hen) in the swing. She has always been good to tolerate this. None of his other chickens are willing.

Tidbit #2: 

Last week we made tin foil boats. I thought my kids would like this, but since they go to a STEM school, they've already done it at school and weren't super impressed by my activity. I thought that since they'd done it at school, they'd all make some pretty impressive boats, but guess whose boat held the most coins before sinking?

MINE!

And I didn't even put any effort into it. Take that, STEM kids!

(Wait, maybe I shouldn't be happy about winning. My kids should be able to kick my butt at competitions like this). 

Tidbit #3:

The other day, Zoe and Eva packed their bags and told me they were walking to California. They hugged me good-bye and went downstairs to say good-bye to Scotty. 

Zoe ended up having a change of heart. She started worrying about food. Eva was upset that Zoe no longer wanted to go with her, so she stood out on the sidewalk and pouted. Then she changed her mind about California and told me she needs to go live with Grandma until the coronavirus is gone. Frankly, I think that's a good idea!

Tidbit #4:

Last week, Shannon stopped by and delivered a bucket of Easter goodies. I used the eggs to have an egg hunt for the kids in the front yard.

After the initial hunt, they all took turns hiding the eggs over and over and sending their siblings to hunt for them. Its kept them busy for a while. 

Zoe hid this one in my hair, and we waited to see how long it would take the other kids to find it. Eva found it right away!

Tidbit #5:

As I mentioned the other day, Nicky is constantly talking my ear off. The other night, Scotty told him he could only have Oreos if he could be quiet for 5 minutes. 

He never made it. We had to restart the timer over and over. Eventually, we let him have some Oreos, but he didn't earn them (we disagree on who caved in and let him have Oreos. IT WAS NOT ME. But both Scotty and Nicky claim I was the one that caved. They are wrong. Scotty caved). 

On Easter, TWO of Nicky's grandmas gave him packages of sympathy Oreos! Nicky built himself a storage vessel for them:

Tidbit #6:

My friend, Shirley, did a red facial mask the other day and posted a video of herself removing it. Shirley doesn't typically do things like that, so whenever she tries something cosmetic, it's pretty funny. I got a good laugh out of her video. 

Shirley brought us some facial masks to try. Mine was a holographic one (kind of visually disappointing compared to the blue and red ones), and Scotty's was blue. 

Rest assured, we now look amazing and ten years younger!

This is what date nights have become.

Tidbit #7:

On Friday night we built a fire in the backyard and had tin foil dinners and roasted marshmallows. 

It was fun to spend the evening outside and have dinner. 

Tidbit #8:

On Saturday we cleaned the house and worked on the yard. We took two loads of stuff to the neighborhood dumpsters. We cleaned off our patio and moved the chicken coop. I pressure washed the house and cleaned the windows. Scotty dug up some sprinklers that need to be capped off. I had the kids wash the van (they do a terrible job, but it's more about keeping them busy than having the van clean). 

We told the kids they could dye eggs if they got their chores done. 

I'm glad the weather was nice enough to move this activity outside!  

Tidbit #10:

The kids keep asking to play in water outside. About ten years ago, I bought this old sand turtle from the DI for $5. Scotty drilled a few holes in it so the water could drain out when it had sand in it. For the last few years, we've used it to store dirt in while we move our garden boxes around. A few days ago, we put Gorilla tape over the holes and made it into a make-shift swimming pool. 

The kids brought bowls of hot water outside and filled it up. It's been kind of fun to be creative with what we have around the house. Challenging, but also rewarding when we're able to make due with what we have.